Blame it on the birds

The eagle has landed and there's trouble in paradise. Well not exactly, it turns out to be turkeys. Evidently, the wild turkey (aka the Kickin Chicken, in liquid form) has an affinity for the grape. So much so that it is decimating crops year after year. Looks like the glassy-winged sharpshooter has some competition. But of course this depends on who you talk to and who you believe.

In this corner, wearing the denim overalls with purple stained hands is Tom Davies:

Henry Ranch, Napa County: "A bird alarm is what grower Tom Davies had to resort to because he claims the birds have done thousands in damage to his vineyard. The alarm puts out loud distress calls to deter them.

Tom Davies, wine grower: "We started using these about a year ago and we've had great success. So we're hoping that this will be a good line of defense."

Davies says the turkeys have been picking the ripest grapes, but they end up destroying entire clusters.

And in this corner sporting the safety orange vest and yellow range glasses is Brian Verman:

The National Wild Turkey Federation supports sport hunting and did a study over the last couple of years and found less than five percent of the turkeys ate the grapes.

Brian Verman, National Wild Turkey Federation: "We found that deer, foxes, raccoons were the main culprits doing damage in the evenings."

So what's a wine loving, gun slinging man to do? It seems Arnold even got in on the action:

A few months ago, California's governor approved legislation allowing growers to get permits from State Department of Fish & Game to kill the turkeys as long as they provide evidence that the birds were doing damage. That law goes into effect in January.

What kind of evidence are they looking for? Red stained teeth? Bloodshot eyes? Or maybe 'that damned bird was looking at my vines funny'.

Maybe Ted Nugent has some advice. Or how about this. The owners could kill every last bird in sight, slap together a buffet table off the tasting room and supplement the winery's income with 'Estate Turkey'. They could yammer on about the alluvial soils, maritime influence, the cool evenings, and the morning fogs that add that special something to the flavor of the meat. Oh yeah, and it was raised on the same Cabernet grapes that we used in this special single vineyard bottling. Call it a 'pre-emptive Coq au vin'

Attention California wineries: Marketing genius available for hire. Will only work via internet and will work for free on the grounds that you make better wine. If not, payment will come in the form of all things Alban.

Inquiries addressed to:
Honky
Savannah, Georgia 31401