The end is neigh.

Or is it? Enter Kelley Bannen. Apparently Ms. Bannen has some issues with things alcoholic, namely beer. Of course after reading this article, I don't necessarily fault her for that.

"I think it tastes really bitter," said Bannen, a senior at Marquette University in Wisconsin. "I like sweeter things to drink."

Being fortunate enough to have benn raised in the South, I was introduced at a very young age to the wonders of Coca-Cola and the various products that they make. This combined with my previous devotion to sleeping as much as possible made me a prime candidate for the almighty 'Mello Yello'. I drank this shit like a man possessed. And some 15 years and $50,000 later (a very conservative monetary estimate, mind you), I quit. I lost 40 lbs. and **surprise, surprise** I don't care for things sweet. I know damn well I am not the only person to have been 'hooked' on the sugar and it is the disposition to carbonated beverages that this country has which enables and encourages wines like 'YellowTail' and the like to prosper.

"Much of beer's decline is tied to inroads that sellers of vodka, tequila and other spirits have made with consumers in their 20s. Propelled by aggressive marketing, a new generation of drinkers is showing a growing preference for sweeter drinks, such as martinis and other cocktails made with fruit-flavored spirits."(emphasis T.t.S)

I know that I will go to my grave still trying to convince the monkeys of this but here it goes for one more time. A martini is one single, solitary thing: A big glass of gin. I don't care what they say on your favorite TV show or what some swanky restaurant in SoHo has on their menu, it is gin. In the case your not familiar with this libation, try it sometime. The last word you will use to describe it is sweet.

"St. Louis-based Anheuser-Busch launched a new beer in early October spiked with caffeine, ginseng and fruit flavors to help broaden its appeal to young consumers. Other new drinks may follow, said executives at the company, the nation's largest brewer."

WTF??

"Meanwhile, Adolph Coors Co., based in Golden, Colo., is touting two new fruit-flavored versions of its Zima flavored malt beverage."

I thought they put the final nail in the coffin for this crap some time ago. God knows I did my part. I reckon I'll have to try harder.

From reading the article, it sounds like Miller is staying above the frey. They could be working on a couple of different angles with similar results.
1. This is a temporary fashion and people will come back to drinking the bottled water we've been making for years.
2. They are positioning themselves to buy 'Red Bull' thus combining the two worst ideas in drinking. I foresee 'MilleRed Genuine Bull'.

Either way it seems the future of American brewing is staying the course.

"There's a whole flock of young people who have become absolutely bored with beer," Pirko said.

There is a very simple solution to this 'problem'. Make better beer. A novel concept I know, but give it a try.

"Lachky said B-to-the-E will compete with "the distilled spirits experience" at clubs and bars. He also suggested that Anheuser-Busch might look at producing other drinks aimed at the younger crowd."

'B-to-the-E'??? Who the hell came up with this name? Would it be fair to assume that AB is going after the 'black' market? Unbelievable. And what exactly is the 'distilled spirits experience'? Is that like doing 5 shots of Cuervo Gold and washing it down with a 'Godiva' chocolate 'martini'? And now for the ringer:

"Bannen and fellow Marquette senior Jill Johnson don't usually buy flavored malt beverages, or beer, when they hit the bars around campus.

Instead, Bannen prefers sweet cocktails, such as tequila sunrises or Long Island iced teas -- the latter a potent mix that includes gin, rum, tequila and vodka. Johnson's favorites include a mix of Malibu rum and pineapple juice."

I don't fault them for bypassing the Zima but what is their alternative? Tequila Sunrise and a L.I.T.? That's right, the acronym is intentional because after two of these things that's what you are. And what could I do to have a sit down with Ms. Jill Johnson? Malibu and pineapple? Lord help us.

For those of you reading this with children, I implore you to break the cycle. Certain things should be stopped. Just because you drank this stuff in college (or hopefully you didn't), doesn't mean you have an obligation to allow your offspring to make the same mistakes.