Selling The Dream

In what has become a daily experience (sometimes hourly) I see things in the world of wine that simply piss me off to no end. This one might take the cake.

Crushpad Unveils ''My Cult Cab'' Program;
Wine Enthusiasts Can Now Create Their Own Cult Class Wines

Let me address the premise as it is stated. The reality is that wine enthustiasts CAN NOT make 'Cult Class Wines'. Seriously, my head is about to explode. Between this press release and their website, the entire concept is ridiculous.

"For the My Cult Cab program, Crushpad will source fruit only from luxury-class vineyards that have a proven history of producing spectacular, high-end Cabernet Sauvignons, scoring up to 99 points from The Wine Advocate."

At the risk of indicting the whole of my home country, the is so stereotypically 'American'. Just because Parker gave some wine from some vintage from some vineyard '99 points', it in no way means that you can replicate it, much less come anywhere close.

"This includes rigorous fruit sorting to remove imperfect berries; extended maceration, if required; superior barrel treatment including 100% new French oak and the use of finishing barrels."

This sounds like it came out of the Parker Digest of Winemaking. According to their website, your never-to-be/nobody-gives-a-shit 'Cult Cab' can see as much as '150% new French oak'. Can anyone explain how this is possible?

And just how much will it cost for your wife to become the next Heidi Peterson Barret?

"Pricing for My Cult Cab starts at $10,000 per barrel ($33 per bottle), compared to $3,900 to $5,900 per barrel for most Crushpad wines"

What a bargain!!! But if they only left it at that:

"The company was founded in 2004 by wine industry veterans and technology industry refugees determined to liberate winemaking from its traditional stereotypes of impossible wealth, expansive chateaus and golden retrievers."

Golden Retrievers?!?! WTF!!! I know this probably sounds like a good idea to a few people out there, but I ain't buying it.

Of course, people ask me all the time if I would ever want to own my own vineyard. My response: I'm better at emptying bottles than I am at filling them up.