What is and what should never be

I'm sure it's no surprise that I have little if any patience for the manner in which wine is now marketed. And over the past 8-9 months I have pointed this out from time to time. Finally, someone has quit dancing around the issue and thus 'cut to the chase':

For wine labels, forget the vintage; check out the image

That's right, nothing else matters anymore. And while this is from a paper in Middleground, Ohio, given the stores quoted and the 'Cox News Service' by-line, I suspect that this article originally ran in the Atlanta Urinal. Unbelievable.

"It's totally visual for me,"said Kimberly Davis. "I need to click with the outside."

WTF!?!?

The French even have joined the action. A line of French wines called "Drink & Eat" features enameled decoration on the bottles that pair the $8 wines with what is being served. Having pork? Get the bottle with the pigs on it. Lamb? Get the bottle with the sheep. There's also a bottle with spaghetti and tortellini on it for pasta dishes — sort of Garanimals for wine.

I would argue that in fact the French have not joined in the action, rather the American importers have. And while it may be cute to put the corresponding livestock on the label, I'm not sure how many people want to be looking at a scene from 'Babe in the City' while gnawing on a plate of ribs. Maybe I just don't get it.

"They're eye-catching, and they take the decision process out of the equation," said Larry Davis, president of LD Imports Inc., in Renton, Wash., which has imported the bottles for about a year.

I guess that makes it official, I really don't get it. What's so taxing about 'the decision process'? And I suppose I find the use of the word 'equation' rather curious. Because as with the title of the article, it gets to the core of these peoples' approach to wine, or more importantly business. It seems to me that at the end of the day, it really is nothing more than an equation to most people: 'How do we move units?' At the risk of sounding like I'm above all of this, I find this sort of attitude extremely short-sighted. Obviously, I am in the business of selling wine. And as such, it is in my interest to make a profit. But there has to be a more interactive approach in how this is done. Think about the old 'Teach a man to fish' concept. It is this monkey's opinion that educating your clients is the way to increase sales and ensure return visits, not selling them some cute animal shit. Of course, we already established the fact that I don't get it, so there you go. When I read this kind of stuff, I wonder if people like Larry Davis would know the difference between selling wine and rubber hoses. I suspect not.

"I don't have time to learn about wine," she said. "But I like wine, so I buy something that clicks with me, that evokes a feeling or a memory, then I've already got a good connection with it before I even open it."

Holy shit.

First off, how busy are you that you don't have time to learn about wine. Unless you are simultaneously finding a cure for AIDS, cancer, and the common cold, balancing the U.S. Budget, bringing about world peace, searching for the WMD's, and running for public office, you have time to learn about wine. In fact, I have clients that are doing all of the above and they have all sorts of time to learn about wine. Secondly, what the hell does this mean:
'then I've already got a good connection with it before I even open it.'
How is this possible?!? How do you develop a 'good connection' with anything before you have tried it. By turning the corkscrew on yourself and extracting what's left of you brain. Ms. Davis, I pity you. And if you ever come to a point in your life that you decide you have enough time to 'learn about wine', feel free to give me a call.

On second thought, forget it. Your head might explode.