Pass the Courvoisier

I have, for some time, taken exception to many things that the Wine Spectator has reported or opined. Throw another log on the fire. According to the article, John Q. Six-pack is well on his way to legally changing his name. Come to think of it, John Q. Cognac has a better ring to it as well.

The reality is that this has nothing to do with J.Q.S-p at all. I understand that the article is written in a Dragnet - 'just the facts ma'am - style but why isn't the obvious even alluded to? Is this pure intellectual laziness or an attempt on the part of Spectator's editorial staff to avoid sounding racist?

The 'Yac' is back and its rollin' with the Hen. They're gonna hook up with Remy at the club and mix it all with high fructose, carbonated crap.

How big is the rock that one must be hiding under not to notice a direct correlation between what the Hip-Hop culture in this country rhymes about and what the general public buys?

"Among the states, California consumed the largest amount of brandy overall last year (19 percent of total volume), followed by New York (8 percent) and Illinois (6 percent)."

Gee, I wonder, what major cities are in these three states? I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count. BTW, this is a very small and some-what unrelated example as to why the Electoral College exists.

I trust Jay-Z and P. Diddy have good lawyers and are getting a piece of this ever-growing pie.

One more time

It seems like the never ending battle may have an ending. In what must be like Round 3000, the animal rights advocates are knocking at the door in an effort to rid California of foie gras. I must admit that I am not the biggest fan of the 'delicacy' (something of a texture issue) but I would think that the governor and the state have bigger fish to fry.

Say that reminds me, how is it that I don't see so much concern for the myraid other animals that are raised and slaughtered for whatever their bodies are wrapped up in or contain? I don't eat red meat or pork, not because I have a particular affinity for the cows and pigs, rather I find it disagreeable physically. On the contrary, I don't eat cats because I own a couple and I do have an affinity for them. What's the lesson? It helps to be born cute.

I will let T.t.D.B. sum it up: (click to enlarge)

Kramer vs. Kramer

As it should be no secret, I am 100% pro place-name and support all the rights and protection, both local and international, that such action includes. This one kinda throws a monkey wrench into the soup.

It presents an interesting twist to the logic and one that I am not so sure that I have an answer for. In all reality, the AOC of Champagne should probably leave well enough alone. Hell, I had no idea there was a Champagne, Switzerland and I study this stuff every day. But if that's the name of the place, so be it.

That is not to say that my friends out west should be permitted to use the name. The Spanish have Cava, the Italians have Prosecco, and the Germans have Sekt. All variations on a theme but distinctly individual.

How about 'Fizzy Wizzy'? (Double entendre intended)

Here they come...

It seems that I am seeing more and more of the Temperance movement these days. This woman is definitely a card carrying member.

"The media is lax in its reporting about the dangers of light and moderate alcohol use. Among the consequences of "just one" drink are impaired mental and physical capabilities, judgment, concentration, restraint, and reaction time. This, then, negatively affects everything one does and says for many hours after that drink."

That's right folks, even looking at a bottle of beer impairs your judgment for 15 minutes or so.

I checked out her website and came to the conclusion that she is totally insane. While I'm digging the purple silk number she's wearing in the 'Barbara Walters' head-shot, just read some of her comments under the 'Alcohol' tab. Apparently there is a conspiracy among those in the medical field to put the kibosh on the real poop: Alcohol will kill you and everything around you. Some of my biggest clients are doctors, both practicing and retired. Is this because they have more money than your average college student? Probably. Is this because the don't know any better? I doubt it.

This one is from the sub-page on 'Alcohol - Sex':

When a partner drinks alcohol, it is a red flag for risky sex. (HealthCentral.com - Nov. 2000)

What the hell does that mean? Risky like I might fall off the bed or risky like I might bring home a goat and see what happens?

By the way, I am taking donations too. Just stick the cash in a 12 pack of Warsteiner and label it 'Honky - Savannah, Georgia'. They know where to find me.

Just remember, every day above ground is one day closer to being below ground.

Sleep well.

And I thought I could drink.

I came across an article describing the upcoming Sonoma County Harvest Fair and the tasting competition that goes along with it. While it's always interesting to see what comes out of the various tastings, this one strikes me more about what goes in.

According to sonoma.com, there are 273 wineries that call Sonoma County home. Is it reasonable to expect that every winery in the county would be showing their wares at the tasting? I suspect not. It's not as if wineries like Fisher, Kistler, Martinelli, Siduri, and William-Selyem are having trouble getting the word out about what they're doing. Even if they are showing, reckon the chances that Fred Fisher is pouring 'Wedding' vineyard next to Paul Draper and his 'Montebello'? The wines of this caliber are either extremely allocated or mailing list/winery only. So if there not showing the 'business' end of their portfolio, what are they pouring? And if they are pouring anything less than the finest wines they make, what does that say for the medals awarded? Based on the numbers given in the article, not very much.

"Last year, 15 percent of the wines took golds, with 71 percent awarded medals."

With 855 wines entered into competition, that comes down to about 128 walking with gold. Approximately 607 took home some other medal, presumably silver and bronze. That leaves 120 in the 'did-not-place'. How is this possible? How bad did these wines have to be? You've got worse odds at getting a gold medal in a box of Cracker Jack's. The number of medal winners is expected to be down this year but the number of entries is up, so it will probably all come out in the wash.

874 wines? In two and a half days? I understand that there are 20 judges involved but it would be the same if there were 2; impossible. Regardless of spitting, drinking water, or cleansing the palate with bread/crackers, can anyone tell the difference after about wine #200?

"For example, this year we're tasting the 2001 and 2002 cabernet sauvignons"

You would need a belt sander to bring back anything remotely similar to a tongue. That is unless the wines were made to 'show', meaning that they are uber-wines, blown all to hell with oak and alcohol and 'ripe fruit'. Maybe the existence of these wines is a matter of opinion, but I think it's more a matter of fact.

In the end, the wines that win(?) are wines that will definitely outshine the others on the table but are more likely not indicative of the varietal or place of origin. This is unfortunate and short-sighted.

Gimme a 'B', Gimme an 'S', what's that spell?

The end is neigh. No I'm not talking about the world (at least I hope not), but things are getting out of hand. Some time back I came across a survey that a group of Australian wineries were floating around their fair country asking critics, purveyors, and average citizens what they like in a bottle of wine, i.e. flavor profiles, tannin levels, amount of residual sugar, etc... It seemed innocent enough except that it was more or less a wolf in sheep's clothing: "Tell us want you want and we'll make that". And while this has proven to be very successful (financially) for my friends down under, a 'good' wine it does not necessarily make.

It is no secret that wineries in California have been following suit for some time. What is surprising is that now it is a selling point. This reads almost like an IPO. 'Look at all the market research we've done. You'd better get in while the gettin's good"

I understand that there is no implied 'pedigree' to the wine. It is laudable that they're buying French fruit, especially from the Languedoc. This region has really come into its own mostly under the radar of the big guns. But wine by committee? At the risk of sounding like a luddite, what happened to soul? Does everything come down to the dollar? The 'tasters' referred to in the article are like the dudes that beta test the video games in L.A. I have alot of friends that do this for a living and when they're not playing video games, they're smoking up. I have no problem whatsoever with people smoking, but the end result is a video game that is impossible to play, unless you're high - or twelve years old with a game controller grafted to your hands.

It is my opinion that, while there are obviously some exceptions, the Old World makes a market for their wines, the New World makes wines for the market. This is absolute proof.

Just remember the micro-brew craze. Miller Lite was supposed to be a thing of the past. Hell, look what a couple of frogs and a 'born-on-date' did for Budweiser. I don't lend much credence to fashion. Talk to the dude with a warehouse full of 'Tickle-Me Elmo's". My advice to California winemakers: 'Don't do this. Decide what it is that you do, and do only that. People will learn, and where will you be then?"

Oh that's right, the NVVA stop asking for advice some time ago.

Don't eat this stuff

In accordance with my dietary concerns, I avoid many foodstuffs. Given that, even if I ate like Ted Nugent, meat-in-a-can is simply foul. And don't get me started about the gelatinous substance that ensures your Vienna sausages get to your plate unharmed.
This is proof that one should not eat 'Spam'. What kind of names are these? In case you didn't catch it, this is an article on basketball teams in the Phillipines. Kind of ironic that they eat (and make) so much 'Spam', what with all the Phillipino food around.

And you were worried about 'Mad Cow' disease.

Who knew?

I am a huge proponent of drinking wine. It's good for you and it's good for business. Therefore, it's good for me. According to this study drinking red wine is better for than drinking gin. It's kind of a curious control group, Gin vs. Red Wine. I can't say that I have had too many nights wrestling with the dilemma. "Should I have this Côtes du Rhône or a couple shots of Mr. Boston?"

I would be very curious about the 'cleansing' properties of other things as well. Pure grain alcohol, Liquid Plumber, Diesel fuel. Well, maybe not the diesel, too many paraffins I suspect.

Could somebody please explain?

What the hell is this? While I am not a card carrying member of PETA or Greenpeace or the like, and I am definitely not a subscriber to the 'scorched earth policy' either. What was the motivation? What were the vines doing that could possibly justify 1500 of them being lopped off? Maybe it wasn't the vines at all but what the owners were doing. Wait, they are organic growers. It must have been an activist group fighting for the vines' rights to chemicals. Or the Anti-Gewürztraminer League. Or just a bunch of jerk-offs.

There is an arrogance to this that I find amazing. More often than I would care for, I see a similar arrogance here in my fair city. Many years ago, the people around here planted live oaks. In my opinion, the live oak is the most beautiful tree in the world, and it's presence in Savannah lends to this town's character. Unfortunately, they grow very slowly. The lifespan (when left alone) can be from 150 - 300 years. So I just love it when some idiot from Oregon has to drive his convertible Saab down Victory Drive (on his way to the islands where they don't have so many old trees) with the Atlas Van Lines moving truck right behind them, absolutely destroying the very thing that dude in the convertible move here to enjoy in the first place.

2 1/2 days....part 3

After a change of clothes and about 5 gallons of water, it was time for the grand finale. Dinner at Antica Posta. This was the sight of the Northeast tasting and while the appetizers served during it more or less fit the bill, I was assured that proper dinner service was the business. It was no lie.

Checked the GTI again and the valet seemed rather excited to see us again. I'm fairly certain it wasn't my good looks and he never made a glance at the financial advisor. Get inside and we're led downstairs to what is an empty dining room. Empty except the entire length of the bar is lined with the remnants from the tasting. About 35 feet of wine. And this isn't counting the whites that are on ice behind the bar. I love this job. Wanting to start easy I inquired as to whether or not there were any Selbach-Oster wines left over. But, of course! And guess what, he's on his way to dinner, here! Whatta you know?

My rep and myself step outside for some fresh air through a filter and next thing you know Johannes is here. We go inside and sit down for dinner, Johannes directly across, the F.A. to my left, and my twin separated at birth to my right. For those of you in the Atlanta area, you probably already know this guy. If not, consider yourself warned. John Passman is a very bad man. His shop is Atlantic Wine on Roswell Road and between he and I, we're going to change the world. Look out!

The waitrons start coming around, with the water and the like, wanting to know what we will be having for dinner. Antica Posta, as the name might imply, is an Italian restaurant. As I said before, I wasn't overly impressed with the grub at the tasting. Looking over the menu, it became pretty obvious that they weren't re-inventing the wheel. But with Italian cuisine, is it really necessary? Not in my opinion, just keep it simple, use good ingredients, and keep your ego (and sauce) in check. They nailed it! First course, pan seared scallops over a purée of chick peas. Basic and balanced. Spot on.

During all this, Johannes, the F.A. and myself are discussing various things: The F.A.'s heritage, his extensive traveling while maintaining an estate in Germany, the differences between American football and the sport the rest of the world plays (he prefers the latter, as do I). I first ask him what wines he drinks other than his own. It one of those things that I am infinitely curious about. It's rare that I get to have dinner with a winemaker, usually it's with the sales reps. Invariably they order wines that they sell to the restaurants. In their own financial interest this makes sense, but it is predictable - not very exciting. Messer Selbach prefers reds, Italian and southern Rhône, as well as dry riesling. Not necessarily his own, and he does not make many dry.

This is another curiosity. At a previous tasting, entirely German, the F.A. and I were going through the line-up. The self-serve room was arranged from left to right, dry to sweet. I'm not sure the motivation for making dry riesling in Germany, (Alsace has perfected it, so it must be a catering to the International palate. Damnit!!) but we got through them and went into the producers' room. Here, there were five wineries with either the winemaker or some relative giving a more in-depth explanation of the wines. After the second producer, the F.A. announced that she did not care for the dry rieslings at all. I concurred. We went to the third producer (von Buhl) and as he going on about the dry riesling he was pouring, I asked him what he thought about it, personally. He seemed taken aback a bit and then responded:

"When I am in Germany, all I want is dry. As soon as I come here (the states or the south), all I want is sweet. I guess I never really noticed that before."

And here is my bigger point. The wines may be sweeter than you expect or sweeter than you are accustomed to, but in the absence of the sweetness (perceived or real) the wines seem unbalanced. Too much acidity. You notice it more when it's not there. Johannes agreed.

Back to Antica Posta. Second course arrives. Gnocchi with a tomato sauce. As stated earlier, I am a purist. If you have the balls to put pierogie on your menu, it better come damned close to my grandmother's. Same goes for a Caesar. I want anchovies not some creamy garlic crap out of a plastic jar. Enter the gnocchi. Perfect. Nice and light. Not sure what they did with the sauce but it did not come across nearly as acidic as I had anticipated.

The conversation changes to corks. All of Johannes' wines, both estate and brokered, carry wood corks (except for a special 'entry level' bottling made exclusively for Northeast). I asked him what the corkage rate was for his wines. He admitted that there was a time when they were relatively high, but that those times were gone. What gives? What's the magic bullet?

"We got very aggressive with our cork suppliers. We only buy from two now and we pay more for them but now the corkage rate is nominal at best."

This is why you don't get brain surgery at the bar, unless you deserve it. By "nominal" he means nowhere near the 15% that Parker threw out in Food & Wine or the other reports of 25% cork taint. Straight from the horse's mouth. And a German riesling producer. Riesling shows cork taint more than any other varietal. Hah!! You get what you pay for.

We then got into reductive fermentation and all that it entails, and if you want to talk about it, drop me a line. Long story short: do as little to the wine as possible. Words to live by.

I would love to tell you about some of the wines that we were drinking, but alas, by this point in the day, I was done. It was like this: your glass is empty, somebody goes to the bar and grabs a bottle, your glass is no longer empty. I do remember the last wine I had. Crozes-Hermitage. Unreal!! If you want to know the producer, come by the shop in a couple weeks.

It was time for the last question: Who is your peer? What other producer do you truly respect? The answer: J.J. Prum. Not exactly who I expected, but not all that surprising either. Vineyard specific, resect for the terroir, respect for the grapes, and truly German. Right on.

The rest of the evening turned into a blur. We went upstairs and proceeded to get out of Dodge. Handing the valet the ticket, he seemed awfully excited yet again. He took off down the ramp like a bastard and had the car back up in a second. As we were getting in, a man in line behind us said "what the hell is that?". His friend said "It's a Volkswagen." "Bullshit! That's the best damned VW I've ever seen". I thanked him and the F.A. got us to bed. He was driving a Lexus.

I drank cheap ass American beer for two days.

2 1/2 days....part 2

So it was relatively early to rise, check out of the hotel, and a few hours to kill before climbing back in the bottle. We drove around a bit, scoped out the location of the first tasting and went to our accommodations for the evening.

The Beverly Hills Inn is the only place to stay if you're doing time in Atlanta. I used to live in a building very similar to it (albeit a bit larger) here in Savannah, and I cannot recommend it enough. A converted apartment building built in 1929, each suite is more or less an efficiency apartment except much cooler than Guest Quarters. The room we stayed in had everything you could want and were it not for the after-tasting dinners, we could have easily prepared all our meals in the room. The owner, Mit, is an ace guy, very knowledgable about the area, and with a quick wit.

Tasting #2: Northeast Sales hosted by Antica Posta

Checked the GTI via valet and went straight into the world of Johannes Selbach. He is a one man wrecking crew (winemaker, importer, sales rep, and all around bad ass). As one might expect, the order of the day was German riesling. Fine with me, and the financial advisor concurred. The entire lot was from the .02 vintage and every single wine was incredible. While I am doing my part to change the view most people have of riesling, I am only one man. I will have a much more detailed analysis at a later date but hear this now:

1. German wines are not too sweet!
2. They have acidity for days, it is simply balanced by the perceived sweetness.
3. There is about three times the residual sugar in the can of Coke on your desk than there is in your average Kabinett.

More on Johannes later.

Next up was Kermit Lynch. A relatively new aquisition for Northeast so the supply was limited (in fact, the samples were flown in that day). Kermit is one of my heroes. And his wines were incredible. A Bordeaux blanc that may have been the ringer of the trip for price/quality ratio (surprisingly a 2003). A Mâcon that rocked. And two Beaujolais that, to me, are the benchmark for Gamay; one Moulin-á-vent, the other a Morgon. There were others but these were the stand-outs.

On to Mommessin. .02's from Chassagne and Meursault. Unbeliveable and still available on pre-sell - let me know if you're interested - .02 1er cru Savigny Les Beaune, .02 1er Cru Pommard, and the almighty .00 Clos de Tart. I know that a lot of people like to wax eloquent on how the négociant trade is inferior and their wines aren't as good and blah, blah, blah. I have three words: Sine qua Non. So far as I know, they don't own a single vine, and if they do it produces very litte of the miniscule amounts of wine they make. And people pay silly money for the stuff.

So if it has some funny French word, it sucks. If it has some funny English word, I gotta have it! Brilliant.

All the while the clock is ticking and there is still more wine here and another tasting downtown. The financial advisor takes off with the car for Lenox and Anthropologie (part of the deal for her coming along and slogging through a shit-ton of wine with me) and I hop a cab heading down Peachtree (you know the one).

Tasting # 3: Empire Distributors

In true form, we received the scenic tour of Atlanta instead taking the one street that leads right to the Fox Theatre. This was actually okay because it gave a little break in the action. Get inside and the thing is like a circus. About two thousand people getting loaded. Don't get me wrong, I'll get down with the best of them, but this was a bit of an overkill. I was starting to think I shouldn't have come down for it. The lights were very dim (and about 60 feet up), the table cloths were a very dark burgundy (not exactly ideal for looking at color), and it was so loud I couldn't communicate with the woman pouring the wine three feet away. To top it off, the Jager girls were doing their thing and while I like boobs as much as the next guy, I'm not sure they did much for the wines. On the way for a tasty tobacco flavored treat, I received the word: "Be at this door in 10 minutes". Okay.

After a run up the stairs, then down the stairs, then up the stairs, then down the elevator we found the spot. A very small, very secluded, and very quiet room in the bowels of the Fox. Inside, Charles Ducker and the wines of Maison Louis Latour. All became right with the world. Entirely 2002. Entirely Awesome. I will have the pre-sale options on the shop's site soon. Please refer to my earlier comments if you take exception to négociant wines. These wines are built for the long haul. Get them now because the .03's aren't going to stand a chance compared to these. I had a very interesting conversation with Mr. Ducker concerning Latour's practice of 'flash pasteurization' and the real and perceived effects it has on the wine. After all, we're not making milk here. He explained that which I already knew about the process and went on to say that a number of houses did it as well. Big time houses that command obscence prices. The difference is that they don't tell anybody about it. Latour puts everything out on the table so that there are no secrets. Curious, and something I am going to look into.

Shortly thereafter, the financial advisor arrived and we went back to the inn. A brief lull before dinner and more damn wine.

Part 3...soon

2 1/2 days and about 300 wines later...

As promised, here is part 1 of the review of my time in Atlanta.

Let me begin by saying that I am not the biggest fan of that fair city. Between the traffic, the sprawl, the drivers, and the fact that half the roads there are some variation on the word 'Peachtree', I have been plenty content to let those who live there enjoy it all to themselves. I still pretty much feel that way except for one little part, Buckhead.

Tasting #1. Quality Wine & Spirits with Inland Seafood.

Held at the Grand Hyatt in Buckhead, this was one hell of a tasting. My financial advisor and I started off with a bit of a surprise. JD Selections is a relatively new improrter working within the framework of European Cellars (aka Eric Solomon). As you might have guessed, it is owned and operated by a guy named J.D. and it is no wonder that Solomon has decided to help him out. Wines that are right up my alley. This day he was showing mostly wines from the Loire Valley and mostly from the .03 vintage. They were awesome. If you plan to drink anything 2003 from France, look at the Loire. The .03 vintage (emphasizing on whites) is shaky at best. Due entirely to the freakish heat, the wines show no acidity whatsoever. More on this later.

Next up was European Cellars and true to form, spotless. Eric Solomon continues to find unbelievable wines for extraordinary prices. Of course, Spain was represented handsomely as well as a few French that will be in the shop soon. Thanks to Kate Godwin for her time and attention.

Into the main room and straight away is Robert Jones, M.S. from Kysela. Very nice Albariños as well as a sparkling cider that dominated the palate. Very reminiscent of the Iced Cider we brought back from Montreal. Standing next to Bob Jones was a gentleman wearing a bright pink feather boa. This is not all that rare in Savannah, but at a wine tasting? and he's not the one that's loaded? Charles Bieler of Château Routas. Obviously he doesn't take himself all too seriously, but once I was able to get him one on one, a very interesting person to talk with.

My conversation with him was like many I had over the two days: Far more informative than in previous years. I'm not sure which side of the coin is getting more polished but I asked questions that were technical, non-technical, marketing, opinion, whatever and straight up answers without the obligatory smoke-blowing of old. Those of you who have been to the shop have heard me yammer ad nauseum about Routas. For those of you who haven't, you are missing out. I can't think of another producer (in Provence or elsewhere) that is making as many different wines as well. Maybe Telmo Rodriguez.

Vintage .59 was up next and another knock out. Marc Tempé - Alsace - Awesome.

Rosenthal = Burgundy = Bad Ass

Vias = Italy and how.

By this point, the financial advisor is feeling fine. There was a food vendor serving 'Kobe' beef that had more than a captive audience with her. This brings up my only criticism of the tasting. The entire tasting was surrounded by the various suppliers that make up Inland Seafood's portfolio. I understand that it was a joint show and that not all people in attendance were proprietors of retail wine shops, but apparently salmon is the next big thing. Either that or the world has way too much of the stuff. It seemed as if every time I turned around (or more importantly tried to smell a wine) there was some dude sautéing, grilling, smoking, or otherwise doing something Salmon. My suggestion, put the fishmongers on the other side of the room, or in a different room altogether. Nothing on them, it just didn't seem to make sense. I was not alone in this observation.

Retire for a bit and then get dressed for dinner. After a couple of drinks at the bar, everybody loaded up for a trek to Bazaar. Richard Blais is the chef and he graciously opened on their day off for the crew. I had heard of Mr. Blais but had never had his food. Imagine Burrows meets Julia Child. Simple Ingredients, perfect execution, and a healthy dose of crack. This guy is on a different planet. I heard rumors of a fois gras 'shake'. It did not show. Due to my dietary concerns, 'No Swine, No Bovine' (back 'atcha, my Muslim brothers) I did not eat some of the dishes he served, although the did not go to waste.

The one standout, although that isn't really fair, was on face value, wrong. Due to its presentation, you couldn't really make out what the ingredients were. From bottom to top: Salmon (again), a cube of the ripest watermelon I have ever had, a slice of avocado, and a horse radish cream sauce. After reading this, it looks wrong. But it worked, and worked famously. Unreal. I highly recommend checking this place out (it's on Peachtree - you know the one- right beside the Fox Theater) if you have the chance. A few Stella Artois' later, it was straight to bed, got two more of these tomorrow.

Part 2 coming...

How about this guy for president?

Regardless of your political orientation, I'm sure that most would agree that the choices are more or less: "Slim to None, and Slim is drinking a beer". One is a monkey and one is a moron (I'll let you decide which is which). Given this, I propose that the write-in nominee should not be (sing the song) M-I-C--K-E-Y, but this guy.

Admittedly, the phrase "Excise Minister Vakkom Purushothaman" does not exactly roll off the tongue, but look at his platform! At the risk of over-simplifying the world as we know it, aren't we all better off after a glass or two of something?

The last sentence is the ringer:

It recommended to the government to reduce the excise duty on liquor.

I defer to my good man T.J.:

I think it is a great error to consider a heavy tax on wines as a tax on luxury. On the contrary, it is a tax on the health of our citizens.

That's Thomas Jefferson, for the historically challenged, and he said that about 200 years ago. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Vive Purushothaman!

A rose by any other name...

During my formative years, the seeds of design and engineering were planted early. While some may disagree, the European asthetic for cars, is (or was) in my opinion the finest in the world. Unfortunately, this in a thing of the past. This is proof.

The progression for the past 10-15 years has become this: The Germans design simple, beautiful lines. Japan creates a "luxury' line of an over priced Honda and sets about totally ripping off said German vehicle. Germany taking a cue from Hollywood refuses to create anything original and redesigns the Honder. Hence, circling the drain becomes the norm.

So, it should be no surprise that the same has come to the world of wine. It is with great pleasure that I present the latest attempt in cashing in. Awful close to wine at your local Bi-Lo.

Ravenswood, Ravensworth, Ravensblows, Ravensworthless.

I would imagine that Joel Peterson might have a problem with this but he sold his soul a few years back and no longer felt it necessary to make wines of substance.

I'm Back

Three days and some 200 - 300 wines later, I have returned to my little piece of paradise. Suffice to say, I hate the city of Atlanta. The people on the other hand (at least some of them) were the business. As promised earlier, a full report is on the way covering unbelievable wines (both good and bad), a meal prepared by a crack-head, and quite possibly the coolest place to stay if you ever have to do time in the ATL.

I'm out.

Contrary to popular belief, there is more to the great state of Georgia than the abyss that is Atlanta. However, when the distros pull out the business, they don't want to travel too far. Quality Wine & Spirits with Inland Seafood - Monday. Northeast and Empire - Tuesday. So my financial advisor and myself are off to the ATL for a few days to drink and dine and bring back the goods. Three days in the South's largest parking lot. A full report will be forthcoming.

What was that guy's name?

The fine folks in Texas had a chance to let the genie out of the bottle. I guess five out of eight isn't bad. I am constantly amazed that this issue continues to come up and be shut down as often as it does. It's 2004!

I'm not sure which version that they get in Clark, Irving, and Mesquite but the Bible that I came up reading had a whole story about this dude changing water into wine. So what's the moral of the story? Jesus drank, but he was the son of God and you're not, so screw you.

My brother lives in Arlington and there is a 'movement' to pass similar legislation. There seems to be a bigger movement to maintain the laws as they stand. A referendum is possibly in the wings. I think I can hear the thumpers already.

What the hell?

This guy is an idiot. In my former life, I had a few simple rules that one had to follow if they were to be drinking at the bar.

1. Check your religion and your politics at the door. Guns are fine, just let me know where they are.

2. If you don't know what goes into the drink that you're ordering, why do think I should?

3. Any Bourbon better than Maker's Mark will be served with a 'back'. Bourbon & Coke is for people that don't like the taste of Bourbon or Coke.

4. No babies period. The bar is where you go to get away from babies. Hire a sitter or drink at home.

Apparently things are a little different in Sweden. And this guy was the spokesman against alcohol? Maybe he was trying to prove a point. Or maybe he had one too many 17% Zinfandels.

Hip-Hip Hooray!!

The numbers are in and everything's aces. According to the Washington Times Americans are turning up the bottle at a record pace. Of course, this is entirely dependent on what the definition of "wine" is. Or maybe what the definition of "is" is.

More wine has not been consumed per person in the United States since 1989 at the height of the wine cooler craze.

First off, was it really a craze? Secondly, Bartles & James weren't making wine.

Wine Coolers = Sweet Fizzy Crap
Yellow Tail = Sweet Un-Fizzy Crap

I shall carry on, fighting the good fight. Fare ye well.

Building a better mouse trap

If I had to pick one word to describe myself it would be "purist". Others may have varying opinions on the subject, and truth be told, I have been called alot of things in my time. I simply believe that there is a basic order to the world and that most things would be best left alone.

This is particularly true for me on the subject of food and wine. The fact of the matter is that people have been eating food as long as there hve been people and food. I can't certify this, but I'd be willing to bet that about ten minutes after something was found to be edible, someone else figured out how to make it taste good. In an effort to make the dish more easily recognizable for the masses, someone would give it a name. And so it has gone for at least 2000 years (depending on whose calender you're going by). Now those days are gone.

In my previous life, I was a bartender. To hear my patrons talk about it, I was the best bartender ever. While it certainly is flattering, I disagree. I was a bartender. This get's right to the crux of the issue. I tended a bar. I did not make drinks. A subtle distinction to many but a major one for me. And if you were to order a "Martini" from me or any of my bartenders, the response would have been "Tanqueray or Bombay Sapphire". Now some of you might already be thinking "Gee, neither one of those sounds like Belvedere or Kettle One". You're right. That's because the former are both gins and the latter are both vodkas. And a Martini is one single, solitary thing: A big glass of gin. There is no apple schnapps, Godiva chocolate, or Bailey's -- just gin. By the way, the glass that a Martini is served in is called a cocktail glass. This is very simple: A Martini is a cocktail in a cocktail glass but not everything served in a cocktail glass is a Martini. You see things have names and those names mean something. They may not be the words you know or like to use but a Manhattan is a Manhattan and a green olive should not be stuffed with anything other than a pimento. There are few things I can imagine more disgusting and rude than cheese in my gin. Oh yeah, I don't give a damn how they do it in New York.

The same holds true for food. I have almost the same argument every Saturday night when I go to meet my financial advisor for a drink after work. One of my best friends is a cook at the restaurant and a damned good one at that. After the obligatory greetings we start drinking proper. Cookie will then start talking about some dish somewhere and the preparation of it and next thng you know we have a tapenade of whatever or a (enter your favorite exotic fruit) chutney. This is when I order another beer and try to right his evil ways. This fails without exception. Again, words mean things. A tapenade is made with Kalamata olives, garlic, capers, olive oil, and anchovies. Short of that you don't have tapenade. I'm not sure what you want to call it, but find another name. Cookie's argument is that his life would be miserable if he weren't afforded some room for interpretation. I would agree and this is when he goes deaf. I have no problem with creativity in the food, just be equally creative with the nomenclature. If I order a slice of cheesecake, cookie better not have been "inspired" and gotten down with the Velveeta.

This is echoed in this article. Without standards, what is the point of anything? The argument could be made that Tesco and Kroger aren't fooling anybody but it is a slippery slope that one approaches. The French realized (along with most of the rest of Europe) that in fact standards are absolutely necessary and put practices in place to ensure them. I'll let you in a little secret. Olive Garden is not an Italian restaurant and the Chinese don't eat General Tso's chicken.

This quote nails it:

For its part, Sainsburys says it does its best but has to cater for the British palate, which prefers sloppier sauces than the authentic recipes demand, for example.

Since when was the British palate to be trusted on anything besides beer? This is the classic "inmates running the asylum" mentality that makes my head explode. Why is this permitted? The customer is always right until he's wrong and then he's wrong forever. Or at least 'till I meet him.

The problem is that the O.G has those tasty garlic rolls that distract John Q. Citizen from recognizing the endless train of poo that is the rest of the menu. And he washes it all down the "King of Beers". Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with cheap-ass American beer and I do my part in depleting the supply. Just call it what it is and leave it at that.

At the end of the day, it is a matter of respect. Respect for the original, the creator, the place it came from, and to me, respect for the one footing the bill.

Of course, this concept of respect holds true for many things like the left hand lane, the schoolbus that you call your car, walking into a restaurant without drying your hair so the entire joint smells like your crappy designer shampoo, and telling me how to make your drink.

Put a cork in it....Seriously

As per the sub-title of this blog, this is a forum in which I will pipe off on just about anything but mostly my life and wine. And since the two are inseparable at this point, the life and wine go hand in hand. It is now that I will try to go about explaining my take on the controversy(?) of cork vs. Synthetic closure vs. Alternative closure vs. stelvin closure. I know that enough ink has yet to be afforded this issue so here goes with my $.02.

Depending on who you talk to and who you believe the idea of sticking a piece of bark into a bottle and hoping for the best is 17th century technology and, as such, should be abandoned immediately. I dispute this categorically because I have seen other examples of technology from this period and they literally are still standing. Here in Savannah you can't pay a carpenter to build a box and be sure it will be square - and he went to school to learn how. This is not to say that advances have not been made, they have, I'm just not convinced that 50,000,000 Elvis fans can be wrong.

To make a short story long, the root of the controversy between cork and synthetics lies with a chemical compound known to the white coats as 2, 4, 6 tri-chloro-anisole or as the kids call it - TCA. It's presence is caused during the cleaning of the harvested cork bark (on its way to becoming a cork) and is responsible for what can be moldy or off-putting aromatics in wine. This is what someone is referring to when they say the wine is "corked" or has "cork taint". As you might think, this is not exactly a desirable element. So logic rules that no cork, no TCA, no problem. It is here that the soup starts to get a little murky.

It has long been my contention that the percentage rates thrown around concerning corkage are far overblown. I have many hunches as to why, but first and foremost is my personal experience. For the past 5.5 years I have consumed anywhere from 4 - 8 bottles of wine a week and taste from 15 - 30 wines as well. Before you call A.A., let me explain. My finacial adviser and myself have at least 3 if not 4 meals together every week. We jointly consume at least one bottle with dinner and sometimes have a bottle while cooking. I taste constantly at the shop so as to ensure I stay one step ahead of the monkeys. In this period of time I can honestly say that less that 30 of the wines I have encountered showed signs of cork taint. This is far less than the numbers that the "experts" throw around ranging from 5% to 25%. I believe that my numbers are far more realistic. And apparently, I am not alone

The disparity between my own experiences and the rest of the world could have myriad causes. One could be that I don't know what wine "should" taste like, good or bad. While my friends in California might make this argument, I disagree. It is true that I have my preferences and favor certain styles of wine over others, but I know when a wine is flawed. Another could be that some wines are more likely to show cork taint (if present) than others. This is true and especially with German Riesling. However, I drink a great deal of German Rieslings and my numbers are far below what "they" claim to be the norm. Lastly it might just be that the proof is not really in the pudding.

First off, what could cause cork taint numbers to be so high. An easy explanation would be that the producers of cork are asleep at the wheel, and quality control is in the tank. I doubt it. A very large portion of Portugal as well as Spain rely on the cork trade for income. There are very strict laws concerning the treatment of cork oaks and how and when they are harvested.

Another explanation is that the numbers have been adjusted to protect the innocent, i.e. the drinking public that honestly doesn't know good wine from bad. This is a factor in the final numbers but is subject to great manipulation depending on your dog in the fight. Which leads us to the last reason, the people putting out the numbers are also selling the alternative.

Remember when they said you weren't supposed to refill your empty Dasani bottle with water from the tap because it would kill you and everything right and decent in the world?

So here's the poop from where I'm standing. Cork taint is real and it does spoil what someone somewhere told you was the greatest bottle of wine ever made. However not as often as is commonly thought. A real world example is what happened many times was ina restaurant where I once worked.

Joe Bigshot just got done reading his second issue of Wine Spectator and then decided to come in for dinner. Spectator had an article about the wines of Bandol and he wants to show his "friends" how much he knows. So he orders a bottle, never having had a wine from this region and having already forgotten what Spectator said about the style of wines made here. I pour him a taste and lo and behold there is a certain fecal aromatic to the juice (Parker would call this "barnyard" and if you like that fine, I call a spade a spade). Quick not to show a lack of knowledge and embarrass himself in front of his guests, Joe Bigshot announces that the wine is corked. Once the words have started along the path from the brain to the mouth there is no convincing otherwise. So I take the bottle away and suggest something that will be more agreeable not only with their palates but the meal as well. Bottle and glass return to the bar where I taste the wine and it is true to form, no problems whatsoever.

Now in my case, one of two scenarios plays out. I keep the bottle for myself, drinking it after work or with the servers to educate them, or the other side of the restaurant instantly has a new wine by the glass. Either way, more people learn about the wine and Mr. Bigshot keeps his crown.

However, in most restaurants it's a different story. Fortunately I don't work in most restaurants. Unfortunately, most restaurants don't have someone like me. The bottle goes on a shelf in the kitchen and sits there for a week or two until the manager calls his sales rep to turn in a corked wine. At this point the wine is now vinegar and no one is going to have the wine tested for true cork taint. The sales rep takes the bottle back and the distributor then issues an invoice to the producer claiming a bad bottle or two or twelve. One can see how this could get out of hand very quickly.

As far as the whole thing is concerned, I have no real problem with synthetic or stelvin (screw-cap) closures. They make perfect sense for cheap plonk that's going to be gulped down with hamburgers and your mother-in-law's cheese ball. Why waste the money on a nice cork and risk personal injury with a cork-screw? However, when it comes to wines that are age worthy, I want a cork. I don't care if the potential for TCA is going to disappoint me 20 years down the road. The reality is that the wine was corked when I bought it regardless of how long I lay it down. With synthetic closures, nothing gets in, nothing gets out. Yet, it's the pourous nature of cork that assists in the aging process allowing a certain amount of fluxuation of air in and out of the bottle. And as far as the screw-cap is concerned, have you ever had a year old Budweiser? The technology is not time tested enough for me to subscribe.

In the end, wine is a living thing and like all living things are subject to influence. I don't assume to believe that I can control everything, but that's part of the enjoyment of wine. You never know what you will find inside the bottle.

Taipei Vice

It appears that the gumshoes in Taiwan have been getting out and beating the bricks a bit. And to show off their efficiency they called a two day "summit". In this article (read press release) the good boys in blue roped in 11.35 million packs of smokes and just over 250,000 liters of firewater in the first six months of the year. It sounds like a good score and admittedly might keep me happy for a few weeks but alas amounts to basically nothing.

With a population of 22.6 million this breaks down to about half a pack of cigarettes per person. And as far as the booze goes, the p.p.a is laughable. I have and continue to work very closely with Asians from all over the map but specifically China, Malaysia, and Singapore. At the risk making a generalization, these people have never met a cigarette they didn't like. They make the French look like amateurs. And as far as drinking is concerned, they don't play around. Break out a bottle of Remy Martin and kiss your Marlboro's goodbye. (Although make sure you have some Sprite on hand. For reasons inexplicable, they love to mix really expensive cognac with really crappy American soft drinks.)

They also have a saying which roughly translates into "Cigarettes and Alcohol have no home". The idea is that if I have cigarettes, then you have cigarettes. If you have beer, we have beer. Now, it's the cops that have both.

The last two paragraphs are awesome:

Illegally-made domestic rice wine, smuggled liquor from mainland China, and bootlegged wine of famous foreign brands made up the bulk of the alcohol seized, while cigarettes of top foreign brands accounted for the bulk of the seized contraband tobacco, the officials explained.

Illegally-made Domestic rice wine? It can't be any worse than the stuff that's made above board. Liquor from China? I have never heard of a liquor from China. Famous foreign brands of wine? Give one to the smugglers. The guy that snuck in the container of Acme red is probably kicking himself in the ass right now. Why won't this sell??

To effectively curb bootlegged wine and cigarettes, relevant government agencies are considering further stepping up their crackdowns and assisting local farmers in setting up licensed factories.

Just read that one more time. I am no economist, but the first part of the plan is simply stupid. And the plan B is genius. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

We now return to our originally scheduled program -- America's War on Drugs

Maybe enough is enough

I am all about the defense of our little piece of paradise but it seems that things might be starting to get out of hand. According to this article all foodstuffs including beverages shipped from anywhere to here are required to carry the registration number of the producer. This is obviously an attempt to keep the British from sending us their tasty burgers yet it is also impacting the business of wine.

The article gives some insight into the workings of this trade and how the regions of Champagne and Burgundy are the most impacted by this new practice. I know it is rather fashionable to yammer on about how the French are idiots and blah, blah, blah, but would it be that hard to institute something similar to the "most favored nation" concept when it comes to food and wine. The French may disagree with us on some things politic but America is an awfully big market and I find it difficult to believe that they would "piss in the well" so to speak.

I think the same thing goes for the Italians and their Parmigian-Reggiano. Except there may be more to it. Didn't Cheney do a little time at Kraft. And aren't the Italians along with the rest of those damned Europeans trying to get the E.U. to grant them place name rights potentially forcing Anheuser-Busch to give back a certain name that they stole in the first place. Think about it. We can make importing anything into this country so difficult that soon there will be no more euro-cheese and it's green paper cans of tasteless powder for everyone!! Damn-you Dick!

Seriously, the implication is that the terrorists might try to attack us gastromically, i.e. from the inside out. What about McDonald's? And they don't drink, right? Wouldn't the mere handling of alcohol violate some pillar of something? It's a bit like the Amish guy working on the brake assembly line at GM.

Wait a minute.... Background checks Immediately!!