'Tis the season...again?

Back in October, every clown with a word processor and a xerox machine was putting out their 'Top Ten' wine for the holidays. As happens every year, there were very few surprises and every list had more or less the same wines. Great for an editor needing some copy, not so much for the average consumer. Well, now that the holidays are over, where's the excitement?

The Ultimate Super Sunday Snack Food and Wine Cheat Sheet

I appreciate the effort on this one but I think this may be a bit of a stretch. This is the work of the Wine Market Council and among other things, they are in the business of getting people to drink more wine. The other things they 'do' include coming up with lists like this one. I won't bother to reprint all the filler, check the article if you want that.

Chips: Plain = Pinot Gris | Sour Cream & Onion = Merlot | Barbecue = Zinfandel

Chips & Salsa = Chardonnay | Nachos = Zinfandel/Syrah

Popcorn: Cheese Flavored/Buttered = Macon blanc (i.e. White Burgundy)

Pretzels = White Zinfandel

Nuts = Beaujolais/Chianti/Sangiovese

Vegetable & Dip = Merlot/Sauvignon Blanc

Pizza = Chardonnay/Pinot Grigio/Chianti/Syrah/Shiraz/Zinfandel

Again, I know the WMC's heart is somewhere close to the right spot, but honestly, what are the chances that several if not all of these dishes will be available at the average household this Sunday? I'd say about 100%. Now, what are the chances that any one person will have one or more of the above suggestions available for their guests? I'd say about 0%.

The reality is that football (at least the American type) knows one libation. Beer. And God forbid that there isn't enough of that come this Sunday. Really, remember how many people were calling for the head of Janet Jackson after getting a peek at what was just below it? Imagine the outrage if the Miller Lite was supplanted by a couple bottles of decent juice. I shudder to think.

Is there no end to the madness?

I have opined on the concept of making wine from fruit (that not of the vine) in the past. My point is two-fold:

1. Just because you can ferment somthing, wine this does not make. (See Soy Sauce)

2. Every attempt at a 'Fruit Wine' that I have ever tasted has been foul.

Couple that with the fact that most people I know who embrace these types of libations are crazy and you have a recipe for disaster. Maybe they're not all that crazy after all:

Waiter, There's a Fish in My Wine!

That's right, wine made from fish. Another instance where the higher-ups in R & D should have their hats handed to them. Does anyone, and I mean anyone think this sounds like a good idea?From the article:

"Different from China's thousands of years of brewing, the brewery will clean, boil, and ferment fish for making wine,"

And one more little gem:

"Experts said the wine is nutritious and contains low alcohol," Xinhua said.

You know what, Clamato is also nutritious and low in alcohol. Maybe Mott's should start closing it with a cork instead of a lid, call it wine, and take the money to the bank.

For the food geeks out there, I apologize but I couldn't resist. I propose the name 'Fish Fumé Blanc'. If this actually gets used, I better get 10% of all sales. Checks payable to Honky.

Perception Is Reality.

Or is it? On the one hand, you've got the school of thought that says 'Tell the lie enough times and the lie becomes the truth'. On the other hand, you've got the 'Tell the lie enough, and you're still a liar'. I must admit that I belong to the latter. Apparently, I'm in the minority and according to this article, I wouldn't make a great 'first date'. Not that I'm available, the F.A. might have a few words about that.

New Survey Pairs Wine With the Personalities, Prospective Dates and Favorite Occasions of Single Men and Women Nationwide

I will not dwell on this fact, but I feel it is worth noting. This study was commisioned (at least, in part) by The Australian Wine Bureau. I mention this not to imply some sort of potential bias, but one has to wonder:

"Match.com polled more than 2,300 single men and women nationwide and found that 62 percent believe that their date's choice of beverage provides insight into their lifestyle, and 52 percent felt that it is indicative of their personality."

A quick poll of the shop (me,myself, and I) came back with a 100% on both lifestyle and personality. And yet, how many hotties do you see knocking back Cosmos with guys drinking Miller Lite. The insight that I get is that they're both idiots.

" More than seven in 10 survey respondents (72 percent) agree that knowledge about wine makes a member of the opposite sex more attractive."

Why could this be? Is it that a knowledge of wine implies that he/she is worldly? Educated? Or maybe, in keeping with most peoples' perception that one must be loaded to 'understand' wine, it could mean cash. I don't know. But looking at 'reality t.v.', my money's on the number three to win.

"When asked what wine-inspired characteristic best describes their ideal partner, Americans responded that they are most looking for someone who is fun (63 percent), a trait respondents felt best described Australian wines over any other United States' import...."

What exactly does this mean? In all the wines that I have tasted, and all the wine notes that I have written, I have never used the descriptor 'fun'. Of course, it's fun to get loaded on a bunch of wine, but do I want my wine to be fun too?

"...Accordingly, singles chose wines from Australia as the imported wine that best reflects their style of partner with nearly 64 percent indicating they would be interested in dating someone from Australia."

Another one that I don't really understand. What does this say about Americans? I had no idea that Crocodile Dundee, Steve Erwin, and Mel Gibson had such a draw. Maybe it's the accent. Or maybe, the people polled are idiots.

"Australia is typically associated with adventure, excitement and romance, so there is no better way to communicate these qualities than by ordering an Australian wine," said Jan Stuebing, director of Australian Wine Bureau. "And selecting an Australian wine to complement every stage of romance, from the first date, to the wedding day and then throughout life together, is easy because Australia produces great wines for every palate, wallet, and occasion."

Mr. Stuebing, I have three words for you: Tour de France. If you watch more than 10 minutes of this race (at any stage) and don't get excited, don't have the urge to travel, and don't yearn for a bottle of something from wherever they are, you should check your pulse.

Personality perceptions associated with the top U.S. imported wine countries:

-- Ordering a wine from Australia conveys the message that a person is adventurous (62 percent) and fun (32 percent).
-- A person that drinks French wine is viewed as pretentious (76 percent) and high-maintenance (65 percent).
-- Sexy (40 percent) and stylish (37 percent) were personality traits used to describe a person who orders a wine from Italy.

So after reading this, it is painfully obvious that this survey tells you very little, if anything about wine and its role in dating/romance. It shows that people apply the same gross generalizations that they harbor about countries/cultures to the wines produced in them, respectively:

Australia = Cute accent and a Bloomin' Onion

France = Arrogant and Rude

Italy = Shoes (shoes, shoes), Leather Goods (shoes), and Exotic Cars,

"Additional survey findings:

-- The type of drink someone orders has the potential to pique the interest of their prospective partners. When asked which person they would be the most interested in meeting, respondents overwhelmingly chose someone who orders wine from Australia (53 percent) over someone who orders a vodka from Russia (18 percent), a beer from Belgium (15 percent) or a Port from Portugal (14 percent).
-- Eighty-three percent of singles agree that a glass of wine can make an already special moment even more romantic.
-- Ordering a glass of wine for that special occasion does not have to be expensive. Fifty-nine percent of women and 47 percent of men are not willing to spend more than $25 on a bottle of wine on a first date.
-- Overall, men were more likely than women to indicate that they have a great knowledge of wine."

Step by step, here goes:
#1. Seriously, just imagine for one second what the average person in this survey knows about alcohol and its quality/origin. I would argue that most people have no clue about the ties of these libations and where they come from. I imagine even fewer could pick out Portugal, Belgium, or even Russia on a map.
#2. No comment.
#3. I think this says that people are generally cheap. If it were me (and it's not, I have a lady), I would order a good bottle, regardless of price. Reason being, if the date sucks, at least the wine won't disappoint.
#4. I don't doubt this, but I have found it to be untrue. The thing is that the woman is generally more guarded when it comes to spouting off about wine. That is to say they don't wear whatever knowledge (or lack thereof) on their sleeve. The men, on the other hand, generally feel obligated to start yammering on about all things senseless.


Oh, to be an Aussie dude with a trunk full of [YellowTail].

What's in a word?

As per what seems to be a daily theme of this blog, there are other languages beside English (or better put, American). I know that this may be hard to fathom but all sorts of people speak all sorts of ways. This usually doesn't matter too much, except when two American companies take a stab at using French words:

Foothills winery goes to court to defend wine name

Here's the entire article:

"A small family winery in El Dorado County has gone to court to protect the name of one of its best-selling wines.

The owners of Madrona Vineyards in Camino say that lawyers from industry giant Sutter Home Winery are trying to stop Madrona from using the name "Melange de Trois" for one of its white wines.

Sutter lawyers say the name is too close to "Menage a Trois," a wine made by Folie A Deux Winery in the Napa Valley, which is owned by Sutter.

According to Madrona's owners, melange de trois means "blend of three," while menage a trois translates as "household of three." The names are sufficiently different to avoid any confusion between the two wines, they say.

Madrona's owners have filed papers in El Dorado County Superior Court to put an end to what they characterized as threatening letters and phone calls from Sutter's lawyers."

Props to the fine folks at Sutter Home for affording the average consumer no brain power whatsoever.

Maybe there's a compromise: The two could go in together with some ad campaign like "Drink enough of one and take part in the other" (if that's what you're into). On second thought, maybe not. The BATF would have a field day.

Ooops!

Throw another log on the fire in the world of corporate deceit and fraud. Actually, that may be a bit harsh. After all, there hasn't been a trial yet:

Foster's honcho ousted over share deal

From the article:

"Foster's Group vice-president investor relations Robert Porter has been forced to resign for unauthorised trading in the company's shares."

Say it ain't so, Bob, say it ain't so...

"Dr Porter is believed to have sold Foster's shares between Christmas and New Year, just weeks before Foster's announced its $3.1 billion hostile takeover bid for Southcorp, which has since sent its shares tumbling."

Just in case your lawyers aren't sure to handle this one, here's someone you can write to for advice:

Martha Stewart
c/o
Alderson Federal Prison Camp
Glen Ray Road, Box B
Alderson, West Virginia 24910

Not sure who she is?


The amazing work of my good friend, Thompat Beene (Art Blog, The World According to...Blog).

Best of luck,

Honky

Don't do it!!

This damn near breaks my heart.

"The plan to distil more than 266 million bottles of Appellation d’origine contrôlée wine, to become ethanol for vehicles or other products, conjures up the bizarre concept of European drivers filling their tanks with 2004 Bordeaux — and other vintages."

Couldn't we (Americans) 'do the right thing' and help our French friends out a little bit? I propose that instead of them destroying theirs, we can rememdy this 'glut' by seeing Woodbridge and Turning Leaf meet a similar end.

Of course, if my friends in 'Day-twah' would pull their collective head from their collective ass, Bio-Diesel would be immediately embraced and this entire country would enjoy the pleasing aroma of French Fries. Not to mention the welfare of the farmers.

How many licks does it take?

Towards the end of previously cited article from the San Francisco Chronicle, the number of wines and method of judging is touched upon. Seeing as I have never been invited to participate as a judge (maybe it has something to do with my lack of opinion), this may very well be par for the course. If so, I suggest that you take the results from any 'competition' with a grain of salt:

"A 25-member panel of judges chaired by Brian Croser, founder of Petaluma winery in Piccadilly, South Australia, assesses about 180 wines per day. Each judge tastes approximately 540 wines."

Okay then, let's 'do' the numbers. According to the host website , The 2005 Macquarie Bank Sydney Royal Wine Show judging will take place from Monday 7 to Thursday 10 February 2005. I hope it is safe to assume that the .04 version was on a similar schedule. How long is a reasonable period for judging 'per day'? I would think 6 hours to be unimaginable. 8 hours would be ridiculous. For the sake of argument, let's go with the 8 hour program.

180 wines/8 hours = 22.5 wines per hour

60 minutes/22.5 wines = 2.66 minutes per wine

Even affording the judges 'expert' status, they are still human, right? How is it possible to accurately critique and qualify any wine, much less 180 in less than 3 minutes? (For the record, the 6 hour program brings the time down to 2 minutes per wine) And what about their 'collective' tongue. I would think to be the oral equivalent of 'Forty Miles of Bad Road' (Duane Eddy reference intentional).

And then to do this for 4 days in a row?!?!

It's unbelievable...I don't believe it.

How can it be?!?!

Checking the news today and I came across this article from the San Francisco Chronicle:

Cork taint found in 8 percent of wine bottles

I am a huge fan of blanket statements and this one may have taken the proverbial 'cake'.

"One out of every dozen cork-sealed wine bottles judged during the 2004 Macquarie Bank Sydney Royal Wine Show was affected by trichloroanisole"

First off, I simply don't believe this. And secondly, as I read the above statement, it appears that the wines were judged in spite of their 'being corked'.

"The study was carried out for the first time during show judging in February 2004. The 2,161 wines judged formed the sample for the research."

I will grant that the 2,161 wine would make a fair sample group for such a study but what the article conveniently leaves out is the country of origin and the relative pricing per 'corked' bottles. What difference does that make, you ask? The old adage 'You get what you pay for' applies to alot of things and most particularly in the world of wine. This is not to say that there are no good wines that sell on the cheap, to the contrary. But there are oceans and oceans of marginal crap that is passed off as the real McCoy. And how do they keep the prices so low? There are myriad methods, most of which, I do not approve. The last of which is the cork. Regardless of the real or percieved presence of TCA, most people find a 'natural' cork to be the preferred method of closure. And as such, many wineries/corporations still use them, lest they offend the 'almighty consumer'. The reality is that most of these wines are sealed with cork for purely asthetic reasons. The simple truth is that these wines would be better off (and arguably cheaper) were they sealed with a screwcap or synthetic closure. And in keeping with the 'low budget' price point that the winery is aiming for, they carry that 'low budget' mentality through to the buying of the cork. A sort of: 'I don't want to hear about quality, just make it cork and make it cheap! 'It is in this light that I can see 'corked' numbers growing but even still, nowhere near this so-called '8 percent' mark. And they also totally negated the cleanliness of the offending wineries as a possibile souce. If only cork could talk. Here's the breakdown from the article:

-- 82.1 percent of all entries were presented under cork

-- 8.45 percent of cork-sealed wines were affected by TCA

-- 9.68 percent of dry white wines under cork were affected by TCA

-- 7.86 percent of red wines under cork were affected by TCA

-- 14.95 percent of all entries were sealed under screw cap

-- 1.48 percent of all entries were sealed under plastic cork

Again, which price point and country of origin? In doing a little reasearch on this monkey show, I think I have found the answer:

2004 Macquarie Bank Sydney Royal Wine Show

Just a cursory glance down the list reveals all Australian. There may be some 'outsiders' in the list that I missed but not too many. So what does this say? I'll let you come up with your own conclusions, just remember which country is tearing up the joint when it comes to 'entry level' pricing.

Why to avoid Alabama : Reason #1

This could very easily become an ongoing list

So a Catholic priest, A Baptist preacher, and whatever the Church of Christ call their dude, walk into a bar...No,No, No...I told it wrong...Here it is, I'm staring again...The three were trying to decide which bar Jesus would walk into and hilarity ensues.

What the Bible says about drinking

Maybe the Huntsville paper is not getting as many 'letters to the editor' as it once was. That will definitely change now.

To drink or not to drink - that was our first question.

"No, it's not a sin to drink, in my opinion," said Abbot Victor Clark from Saint Michael's Catholic Church in St. Florian.

Enter the Church of Christ dude:

"The Bible certainly points us in the direction of abstinence," Brooks says. "Every day we can not serve alcohol is a good day as far as I'm concerned."

And now the Baptist preacher

"It's left to the conscience and freedom of individuals,....Just because we have the freedom to participate in something, doesn't necessarily mean we should."

Okay then.It's good to see that we are in agreement on this part. On to the second question: The BP:

"To sell alcohol anytime is not the highest road possible--and certainly not to sell it on Sunday....Let's have one day that's off-limits, where we can say this day is a special day.

This sounds fair enough. How about this: Let's make that special day the one that doesn't end with 'y'. The CP:

"To do certain things on Sunday is definitely wrong," added Clark, agreeing with Brock that Sunday sales shouldn't happen at stores.

And finally, the CoCD:

"There's no suggestion in the Bible that we're supposed to live any different Sunday than any other day," Brooks says. He believes that while you worship on Sunday, you don't change your life. He says if it's wrong to drink alcohol on one day, then it should be wrong on any day.

He almost made sense. Of course, this all depends on your interpretation of the 'Good Book'. I read it to mean that you should strive to be a good person, regardless of the time, place, or day of the week. But I also read it to say that drinking is not a sin.

So where does that put me?

No where near Alabama, that's for sure. Of course, Georgia still bans Sunday Sales, so there you go.

Back in the saddle again

A ways back, some of you might remember the little 'to do' down in South Africa at KWV. The long and short of it is that a couple of dudes starting monkeying around with the juice, adding a pich of this or a handful of that. I propesed that these two would never see the outside of a barrel again. Apparently not:

Fired wine makers flavour of month

From the article:

"Ian Niewoudt and Gideon Theron, the two wine makers that KWV, the wine and brandy maker, fired after they admitted to adding flavourants to last year's sauvignon blanc, are back in the wine industry."

I guess that old saying about 'Once Bitten, Twice Shy' doesn't translate in to South Africanese.

"Ian did make a mistake. What is the chance that he would in his life become involved in something like that again? He realises 100 percent what the implications would be.

"He has been given a second chance and I can assure you if he makes himself guilty of something like this again, he will not get a third chance."

I should hope not. And what would the implications be for the new employer?

Genius of the week nominee

This may be the greatest one yet. Seriously.

Wine offer left folk grounded

It seems that over in the U.K. they were having a little trouble getting the word out about the fine products made at E & J Gallo. What's a marketing company to do? How can we move cases of this crap?

"The row, featured in the Mr Justice pages recently, concerned flights to America for customers who bought a case of E&J Gallo wine."

Wow. Who the hell gave the 'thumbs-up' on this great idea? Did they think people wouldn't take the offer seriously? Hell, I'd buy 3 cases of this stuff if it would get me halfway to France.

Mark Koch, managing director of MKM Marketing, said: "It's been an awful time. We have had a lot of calls from customers.

"Like in life, a few mistakes can happen, and it's time to move on."

You're right, Mr Koch, mistakes can and do happen. A mistake like forgetting to pay your tab at the end of the night. Or maybe, leaving your umbrella at home in the middle of a monsoon. But 'free flights to California'?

I think this might be what the big time accountants call an 'oversight'

"World produces record amount of wine"

That's the headline. With insight like this, I suppose we can look forward to other breaking news like:

"Tomorrow, Earth will be older than ever before!"

or

"Northeast to receive most snow since the last blizzard"

Here's the entire article:

Global wine production is at its highest since the bumper crop of 1992, but drinkers are consuming less.

Production in 2004 is estimated to have reached 2.87 billion litres worldwide, according to figures from the International Wine and Vine Organisation.

However, the world's wine drinkers only managed to consume 2.3 billion litres, leaving an expected shortfall of 5.7 million litres, the biggest gap ever.

Meanwhile, a new report is predicting that Australia will increase its grape production by more than five per cent over the next two years. Wine exports from Australia continue to grow, with a 14 per cent increase in the 2003-4 period alone.

Maybe my math skills are a bit dull but if the world is producing more wine than ever, and that supply is greater than the demand, where will Australia put the 'more than 5 percent' growth over the next two years?

The truth shall set you free

at some point....maybe in 5 to 15 years:

"The former president of the James Beard Foundation has pleaded guilty to stealing more than $50,000 from the culinary organization, according to state officials.

Maybe Mr. Pickell can make arrangements to have Charlie Trotter come 'up-river' and make him a meal.

Congratulations!!!...Now get back to work

The world doesn't have enough contests. Between American Idol, Survivor, and to a severely lesser extent, Road Rules vs. Real World, one might think that all bases have been covered. Not so:

A vine victory

"... Tuesday morning's Sonoma Valley Pruning Championship, sponsored by the Sonoma Valley Vintners and Growers Alliance and held at the Avellar Ranch on Leveroni Road."

A pruning championship??? This sounds almost as exciting as the 'Nail Driving' contest I saw on ESPN the other night.

"The air was cold and crisp as Hermilo Martinez of Gloria Ferrer Champagne Caves clipped his way to 112.8 points and a first-place victory out of a field of 15 contenders. Martinez won $500 for his efforts, plus tools, a hat and other gifts."

First off, there are no Champagne Caves anywhere near Sonoma.
Second, the prize package leaves abit to be desired. $500, that's cool. Tools and a hat? What does this say to the 'winner'? Maybe something like 'It's great that you are incredibly proficient at cutting some weeds, but we'll make it even easier for you...A brand new pair of shears.'

How about a bottle of the crap that he helped grow??

"Since speed was one of the judging criteria, on Tuesday morning each competitor was trailed by a timer with a stopwatch. Among them was California Highway Patrol Officer Jerry Rico, who was attending the Sonoma Valley contest for the second year in a row. Rico, who handles public relations for the CHP's Napa Valley region - which includes most of the Sonoma Valley - was there to chat with the vineyard workers.

"I go out and talk with them in the vineyards (when I can)," Rico said. "It's a good way to get to know them and to let them know that it's not an adversarial relationship (with the CHP)."

I guess I missed this episode of C.H.I.P.'s. The one where Ponch is hanging out with the illegals. You know, the non-adversarial one.

Unbelievable

I am not one who gets all giddy at thought of going to Vegas. I've been there, did the casino thing and actually came out ahead. That was my first clue to get the hell out of Dodge. Of course, this was before Las Vegas' recent 're-birth' which includes the obligatory 'Let's make this place look like Venice, that place like New York' and so on. I know I'm a bit on the jaded side but why would I fly/drive out into the middle of the desert just to look at a mock up of a city that I could fly/drive in the first place. And all the while, the locals are all to willing to relieve me of my 'folding money'.

'They've got Mario and Emeril', you say? Yeah right, those two and whoever else looks good on TV and can boil some water. I'll let you in a little secret.

1.Emeril's not cooking your spaghetti and meatballs.

2.Mario doesn't really care about you or your food.

Well, it seems that somebody else has figured this out too. The difference is, this guy owns the joint:

Casino developer Steve Wynn shuns celebrity chefs, tries to remake restaurant scene

"Casino impresario Steve Wynn is changing the rules of the Las Vegas restaurant game, reversing a strategy of hiring celebrity chefs that has proved financially irresistible in this glitzy city.

Instead, the billionaire famous for his maverick casino designs that reinvigorated the Strip has courted serious talent willing to move to Las Vegas and work year-round in the kitchens of his new $2.7 billion megaresort that opens in April. By being on-site, they can guarantee the high quality of their cuisine."

Holy shit! This guy's a genius. How late did he stay up trying to think of this one. It's a novel concept, I know but wasn't the point from the get-go - The chef on the menu is also the chef that prepares the menu?

" The list includes Jimmy Sneed, Paul Bartolotta, Stephen Kalt, Eric Klein, Alex Stratta, Mark LoRusso and Takashi Yagihashi"

This is the list of the 'non-celebrity' chefs. Do a 'google' on any of the people. They are proper chefs in every sense of the term. I have not eaten their food yet but it seems the only thing keeping them from getting 'the title' is a dozen camera guys running around doing everything they can to drain the subject of his soul and some second rate lounge act playing the soundtrack to the destruction.

"The Prime Steakhouse at the Bellagio, Jean-Georges Vongerichten's place, has fallen victim to this sour syndrome, Richman declared in a very public bloodletting. In the December issue of GQ, he skewered the steakhouse, targeting the famed foie gras brulee."

Vongerichten is getting taken to task?!? Isn't this the guy that makes people wait 4 years for a salad reservation?

"The closest cousin to this dish can be found in regions where cannibalism continues to be practiced, because it's reminiscent of breaking through a skull and finding brain matter underneath," he wrote."

Good God! Talk about a tought crowd...

Give 'em enough rope

One of my favorite writers and a bad mama jama besides, Jancis Robinson posted this commentary on her sire recently:

The return of the independent wine merchant

As usual, she makes very good points written in a manner that is accessible to all levels of knowledge.

I do think she left out one such shop that is of interest:

Le Chai
galerie du vin
Savannah, Georgia 31401
www.lechai.com

I know she's talking about shops in the U.K. but what the hell..

Learning something everyday

As per the previous post, I went looking for a translation for the Australian term 'stubbie'. In doing so, I found a pretty interesting breakdown of how to drink when 'Down Under'. I'm not sure how many of you reading this are looking to backpack through Australia, but it's a pretty good read anyways...

Drinking for the uninitiated.

One of the many things described:

It goes like this...
"I'll have a cold slab of VB stubs mate out of 50"
This means that you wish to purchase 24 stubbies of Victoria Bitter (VB) in a box and you have a $50 note to give him for the purchase. The attendant will then go to fridge, get a carton of VB stubbies, go to the cash register and put the transaction through as though you gave him $50. He will then bring the change and the beer to you, take the $50, give you the change and the carton. You drive away. It's that easy!

Awesome!

This just in....

Drinking is fun. Drinking can be good for you. Drinking can be good for the economy. And there may be a link between drinking and the performance of your particular economy of interest. Okay, I made that last one up but one has to wonder with the rate of exchange between the Euro and the dollar (US).

Family booze bill tops $4000 a year

"Knocking back a regular pint of beer or a glass of wine is costing an average family $80 a week, new research shows."

WOW!!! I know that this is in Australian dollars but still.

"The family's alcohol consumption would equate to 883 stubbies of medium and full strength beer, 77 bottles of wine, 311 bottles of pre-mix drinks, 8.4 casks of wine, 14 bottles of spirits and 171 stubbies of low alcohol beer."

And I thought I could drink...Doing a little research yielded the following translation: 'Stubbie is a 375mL bottle'. Adding up the bottles of beer (both high and low alcohol) that comes to more or less 527 - 12 oz beers, almost 42 - 12 packs per household per year. And that's just the beer. There is still hard alcohol, whatever 'pre-mix drinks' are and wine. And speaking of the wine, this breaks down to about 1.5 bottles of wine per week. All of this drinking and the Aussies are still handing the Americans their ass when it comes to the exportation of wine. Unbelievable.

"It's almost become a grocery product in a way, people shop for it in the same way they do their milk and bread," he said.

"The other trend is that young women have really caught up with men in their drinking."

What a novel concept! To my friend Huge Johnson, there yet still be hope.

And just think what could have been had we bypassed that whole 'Prohibition' thing.

Greasing the wheels

I came across this article while wasting some time this afternoon. The gist of it is that the fine lawmakers in Texas are trying to bring the ultimate 'buzzkill' to thousands of 'will-be' drinkers on their inaugural night.

Sec. 106.031. SALE OR SERVICE OF ALCOHOL TO PERSON ON PERSON'S 21ST BIRTHDAY. (a) The holder of a license or permit that allows the sale of alcoholic beverages for on-premises consumption commits an offense if, on the licensed or permitted premises, the license or permit holder with criminal negligence sells, serves, dispenses, or delivers an alcoholic beverage to a person on the date
of the person's 21st birthday before:
(1) 7 a.m. if the person's birthday occurs on a day
other than Sunday; or
(2) noon if the person's birthday occurs on Sunday.

This is not all that surprising and in all reality will do very little to combat the intended target. The simple truth is that the birthday boy is going to go over to a friends' house and get loaded there, then hit the bars the next night with precious little more knowledge of how to properly drink...But he will be damn good at playing 'Quarters'.

There were a couple of notes of interest:

"The alcohol lobby, itself, just wine, beer and hard liquor companies, spent between $1 and $2 million on 61 lobbyists here in the state of Texas. So that's about two lobbyists for every senator here in the state of Texas," Wheat said."

Texas is an awfully large state after all so it would stand to reason that they need a gang of lobbyists to get things done. And looking at the numbers, and just running with the average of $1.5M, that comes to just under $25,000 per Lobby-dude. Good work if you can get it, I guess.

And then the kicker:

"The fact of the matter is that alcohol is the lubricant of diplomacy in this town and around the world," Wheat said."

Right on, right on...

What goes up...

must,...how's that song go? Great, now I have Tom Jones on constant rotation in my brain. You can thank me later for planting the seed in yours.

Constellation To Boost Mondavi Napa Production

Gee, I didn't see this one coming. Uber-corporation pays 1.3B, cash on the barrel head and now they want to see some return on the money.

"Richard Sands, chairman and chief executive officer of Constellation brands has said he plans to increase production of Robert Mondavi Napa wines by about 40%, returning them to the level of several years ago."

I know this is what you would like to do and I'm sure the stock holders are foaming at the mouth with the anticipation, but how? I can't imagine the word about Woodbridge could be disseminated any more than it has. And according to my friend Huge Johnson:

"Currently, growth in sales of wine, aggregate of all catagories, in the US is around 2 - 3% annually.
-If you think that is good, you probably work for a fedora or buggy whip company
-In reality, that type of growth (or lack thereof) for an alcoholic beverage is horrid
-If you subtract the growth in the table wine and under $7 catagories in the last three years, the growth rate would likely be less than 2%"

So where in the hell are you going to get 40% growth? Oh yeah, Constellation has bought half of the world in the last few years, so bury one or two of those 'family run' joints and put all your chickens in one basket.

"We are firing on all cylinders and anyone involved in the business can feel the momentum building."

I can feel something building....Oh wait, I just have to use the bathroom.

The Art of Making Milk

Huge Johnson and Tom at Fermentations already took some swipes at this article, so here's my two cents. For the record, I was going to pipe off on this one last night but chose to wait, gather my thoughts, and then drop the hammer. Further proof that this sphere o' blog is the place to come for 'real time' commentary and review.

The world according to Gallo

Let me say from the get-go that I afford the house of Gallo a great deal of respect. This is not because I am necessarily a fan of any of their wines, I am not. But one cannot think of wine in America without including the brothers Gallo, Mondavi, and Kendall-Jackson. Without these three, it simply would never have happened. Okay then, enough with the accollades. Let us move on to everything that is wrong with this company:

"French wine is the gold standard," says Gallo, noting that his research shows that American consumers consider it the best wine in the world. But they're drinking less and less of it because it's too hard to understand, Gallo says. It is a pattern of declining consumption that holds true with French wine drinkers in France as well, according to Gallo."

The first statement is absolutely true. While there are good wines being made in every corner of the globe, the is no one country that produces so many grape varietals with attention and repect to terroir at such quality levels. Not one. Secondly, how ironic is it that the wine country presumed to be the best in the world is also the most misunderstood? Why is this? I can only assume that it is two-fold:

1. Somebody, somewhere, told somebody else that the French are the best and the recipient of this information took it blindly as fact.

2. The average American consumer doesn't speak French, probably has some disposition against them (for non-wine related reasons), more than likely couldn't pick out France on a map, and is perfectly content living their entire life this way.

Okay, so that's more like five-fold, but I hope I made my point. I will grant that some of the names used on French labels can be difficult to pronounce but how many of you reading this are fluent in Chinese? And even if you speak Chinese (Mandarin), how many other dailects can you speak? When it comes to confusion, the French don't hold a candle to the Far East. And speaking of east, let's see what Old Man Gallo has to say about France's neighbor, Italy:

"With Italian wine, says Gallo, there's a similar paradox. "Americans love Chianti. They just don't like the way it tastes." The romantic image in consumers' imaginations doesn't fit with the dry, acidic wines they've had to drink. So, again, they are buying less and less of it, says Gallo's market research."

Seriously, I am about to pull my eyes from my skull. What the hell does this mean?!?! My take is that people think they like Chianti. This is because it is a word that is relatively easy to pronounce. It is a word that they have heard before, one that they are comfortable with, and it was in that movie with that dude and the fava beans. (An aside, Hannible Lector should have been imprisoned simply for the gross mis-pronunciation of the word.) But alas, when you get the wine in the glass, 'what the hell is this?...it don't taste like no Mare-low I ever had!' You know why, because it isn't. And why should it be? This is precisely why California and Australia pump out billions of gallons of 'fruit bombs' for the monkeys every year. In this way of thinking, I suppose the vast numbers of Taco Bell's popping up all across the fruited plain should be proof that 'American's love Mexican Food'? My ass! Put a plate of molé and nopales in front of John Q. Jackass and watch him lose his shit.

"As it did with its first Italian wines — Ecco Domani and Bella Sera are the alpha and beta tests of this international strategy — Gallo chose not to put its name on the imported bottles or the marketing materials. They're Gallo wines, but they don't say Gallo."

This is both brilliant and scary at the same time. On the one hand, if people see the word Gallo, the automatically (and somewhat rightly) assume the bottle to be crap. But slap an 'inticing' name in a foreign language on the label and sit back and count the cash. Maybe the French need to hire some PR firm here in the states and start cranking out radio commercials. Maybe instead of the old "It's going to be a beautiful night, or as they say in Italy, a 'Bella Sera'", it could go something like this:(set to the tune of the Stealer's Wheel classic)'Seas of marginal wine to the left of me, rivers of poo to the right, here I am, drinking Entre-Deux-Mers with you'. Just an idea...

"Importing an initial 250,000 cases of Red Bicyclette at the end of 2004, Gallo single-handedly stopped an eight-year-long slide in the sales of French wine in the United States, says Fredrickson."

This is again impressive and scary. Imagine what could happen if Gallo (or any of the 'big boys') took it upon themselves to set about educating the 'general public' instead of dumbing it down for them? How cool would it be if Gallo would sponsor French and Italian classes across the U.S.? Of course, if Coca-Cola and Pepsi took half the money they spend on advertising and simply gave to the victims and countries that suffered the recent tsunami, South East Asia would be re-built in about a week and a half.

"Why shouldn't we?" responds Gerry Glasgow, Gallo's head of marketing for 23 years. "If we can make wine more appealing by removing the things that some people find objectionable — acids and tannins — then that's what needs to be done."

With all due respect Mr. Glasgow, here's why: Because it is counter to all things wine. Of course, that is assuming that you are in the business of making wine. And after reading this article, it is obvious that 'making wine' is probably the last thing on your mind. No, this is about the dollar. And while I am a 100% red blooded American and damned proud of it, it is actions like this that promote the 'Ugly American' image that gets thrown about all too often.

All right Glasgow, bring it on home:

"Too many Americans have been humiliated when they were ordering a bottle of French wine in a restaurant," continues Glasgow. The difficult-to-pronounce names, the confusing labels — both remind Americans of their preconceived notion that the French are condescending and arrogant, he says."

Thanks. First, any person working in a restaurant that cops some sort of attitude when serving a bottle of French wine should be drawn and quartered. Secondly, I know it's kind of hard to imagine but some one from France trying to get to 'The Motor City' would have one hell of a time getting directions to 'Day-twa'. How's that for confusing. And lastly, the French (at least the ones that I have met) aren't condescending or arrogant at all. No more so than your average American who can't wrap his brain around anything more than a bottle of Bud and some grotesquely large piece of beef on a crappy bun.

Damnit!!

Pick a number, any number

Just in case you needed another reason to look at the 'consolidation' of all things wine with a 'suspect' eye, here you go:

Friday, January 14: 190 layoffs after Mondavi buyout

Monday, January 17: Constellation lays off 320 wine workers

Wednesday, January 19: Constellation lays off 210 Mondavi workers

I trust that the accounting is a little better when it comes down to dividends and the like.

Of course, I trust very little...

Where's the money, Lebowski?!?!?

I had previously opined about the goings-on in California as it pertained to one Mr. Jarek Molski. Well, it appears this jackass is back in the news:

"Jarek Molski filed another lawsuit last week against a Templeton winery, saying its lack of signage and wheelchair ramps violated the Americans with Disabilities Act."

Just in case this guy wasn't enough on his own, his attorney got in on the action:

"We've got to get compensated for the work we did to fix it," Frankovich previously told The Tribune. "We went out and had an expert inspect it, told them what was wrong and tried to get a settlement."

What's that line about killing all the lawyers?

Birds of a feather...

Business 101

Someone long ago made the statement 'Buy Low, Sell High'. This guy took those words to heart.

Man buys nearly 125,000 bottles of wine at auction for $100

From the article:

" Ken Jacques just bought nearly 125,000 bottles of wine for $100. That's less than a penny a dozen."

Nice.

Say what?!?!

Steo 1: Open mouth

Step 2: Insert Foot

Step 3: Touch up resumé. Time to look for a new job.

Everybody says something that they don't actually mean once in a while. And usually, especially when speaking, it can/will go without notice. Not so much when your comments are put into print. Here's the entire article:

Number of wine brands to shrink


The wine industry has been warned to expect some brands to be removed from the shelf, as the number of players gets less.

That's the prediction from Fosters Group, which stands to control 38 per cent of the local wine market if it succeeds in taking over Southcorp.

Jamie Odell manages global wine trade for Fosters' Beringer Blass, and says that sort of consolidation will mean some radical changes at the retail end.

"I think if you look at the number of brands which are on the shelf in all markets, not just here in Australia, it is absolutely essential that some brands are taken off the shelf.

"There is too much complexity.

"It's not helping the consumers to make their choices, it's not helping the retailers to manage their supply chain.

"I think regardless of consolidation in the industry that's going to happen, but I think this sort of action and being more proactive will help to accelerate that."

The company may have trouble convincing Southcorp shareholders to sell, though.

Southcorp's board has described the offer of $4.17 as 'inadequate and opportunistic', and the company's share price has risen to $4.61.

It more or less reads like any other 300 word business memo from the financial section of any paper, anywhere. Except for this little bit:

"...it is absolutely essential that some brands are taken off the shelf.

"There is too much complexity."

Who knew five words could mean so much? Of course, I am taking the comments out of context (to some extent), but this sounds like some sort of Freudian slip. I have made jokes about the Aussies, their practices, and the wines that result from them in the past. Maybe, I was a little closer than I thought.

Breaking out the monkey suit, once again

***I apologize from the beginning if this reads long, just trying to give a little context.***

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Another private dinner prepared by Mr. John Kitt (aka Johnny Starpants) and served by yours truly. Semi-casual meal for eight in downtown Savannah.

The host decided to have his first dinner in his newly-renovated row house. Starpants submits various menu options. Host, not wanting to be 'too' adventurous selected the more 'normal' offerings. I don't necessarily balme him for this, it was the first dinner served in the house, the first dinner prepared in the kitchen, and the first time to actually see how things/people flow/react to their surroundings. Here's how it went down:

Reception:Proscuitto, Chevre, and Tapenade on Crackers
Selected Wine: Bodegas del Palacio de Fefiñanes Albariño Rías Baixas 2003

'Cocktails at 7.00 pm.' This was the decree from the horse's mouth. The host had attended the last dinner John and I served and while he enjoyed it immensely, his main gripe was that cocktail 'hour' lasted almost two. And because of this, most people in attendance were half in the can by the time they got to table. This would not be the case tonight. At least that was the plan. The first guests arrived at five after. A respectable time. Coats were checked, drink orders were taken, and the guests were escorted to the second floor parlor. The plan was that most (if not all) people would actually have a 'cocktail' and as such, I had allotted two bottles of white for the reception/first-second course. As it turned out, 4 of the five women opted for the white straight away. And with good reason. This wine is drinking beautifully. Albariño is the grape from the region of Rías Baixas (pronounced 'Ree-us By-Chus') and produces some absolutely stunning wines. The were rather unknown for some time and incredibly cheap. Unfortunately, the major magazines (esp. Spectator) jumped all over the wine like it was some angel from heaven and as such the availability and pricing (due in no small part to the exchange rate) is nothing like it once was. Nevertheless, this wine is awesome. Many people like to compare Albariño to Viognier. I think this is silly. First off because I am an absolute freak for Viognier, especially from Condrieu. (I have found one from Provence that is a great value but will save that for another post). Secondly, it doesn't taste anything like a Viognier should. To be sure, there are hints of similar aromatics - peach, apricot, honey, etc.. but there are aspects of the Albariño grape that taste like other grapes as well. Depending on the producer, vintage, temperature, and time in glass this wine can have components of Chardonnay, Chenin Blanc, (Alsatian)Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc, and yes Viognier. Again, these elements are often fleeting or morphing, so at no one time does it smell/taste like any one 'more recognizable' grape. A few of the guests were a bit late to arrive so cocktails lasted a little longer than anticipated. Retail: +/- $21. Everyone was at table by 8:05.

First Course: Celery and Fennel Chowder with Fresh Oysters, Smoked Bacon, and a Tarragon Sabayon
Selected Wine: Zenato Lugana 'San Benedetto' 2003

As previously stated, I had not actually planned on serving this wine with this dish. But given consumption over cocktails, it would not have made sense to change wines mid-course. The Zenato is made from the Trebbiano grape. Admittedly, I am not the world's biggest fan of this grape. I'm not sure if it is locale or winemaker's influence but more often than not, the wines from this grape come across rather flabby, somewhat vicous on the palate and leave (for lack of a better term) and oily mouthfeel. I mean that in the way the wine seems to coat the inside of your mouth. The Zenato,not so much. The .03 vintage was, of course warmer than most and as such effected the wines throughout Europe. This wine did not go unscathed. The acid/fruit ratio is far less than in previous vintages but Zenato managed to make a wine that was more or less on point. Paired with the chowder and its cream base, along with the bacon, oysters (effectively poached before serving), and the thick creaminess of the sabayon, the 'fuller' style of this vintage melded quite well. Retail +/- $16.50

Second Course: A salad of hearts of Romaine and Ruby Red Grapefruit served with a Roquefort Cream and a Pomegranate Vinaigrette.
Selected Wine: N/A

The Zenato was more or less pulling double-duty. The host didn't want to turn dinner into a 'drunk-fest' and he didn't want a different wine for each course. Fine with me. The salad was quite interesting. I should offer a caveat: I don't like 'architectural' food. To clarify, I have little patience for 'Towers of this' or a 'Pyramid of that' and so on. That is not to say I want Chris Farley dumping my grub on a tray, hairnet, ladle, and all, but I don't like 'over produced' either. Sure the 'eye-candy' will bring the oohs and ahs, but after that, what else? It also tends to 'intimidate' people because they seem to feel that in eating the dish (that's the whole point, right?) they are dismantling it in a way. This salad not so much. THe Roquefort cream was spread on the dish as a base/adhesive. Starpants made a puff pasty shell that sat atop the cream. The romaine (already dressed) was stood on end in the pasty. Slices of grapefruit around the dish with additional vinaigrette in between. Looks: 8 out of 10. Stability en route to table:8.5 out of 10. Wow factor: 12 out 10.

Course 3: Skillet Seared Lamb Loin with Saffron Risotto and a Garlic-Rosemary Reduction.
Selected Wine: Château Mas Neuf 'Compostelle' Costières de Nîmes 2001

The dish was awesome. Lamb seared to a perfect medium rare. The risotto set atop a bed of mustard greens, served as the centerpiece of the plate. The color interplay was the business. And the wine went aces. Mas Neuf is situated in the Costières de Nîmes which lies southwest of Avignon about 15 miles. The grapes grown are very similar to those grown in the Southern Rhône and while the wines taste somewhat similar, there is definitely something 'unique' about them. Mas Neuf make two wines. The entry level is titled simply 'Château Mas Neuf'. The flagship is carries the moniker 'Compostelle'. Of course, it is not at all uncommon for a house to have a 'primary' label and a 'second' label. This is the same thing, albeit in reverse. The wine is mostly Syrah, with Mourvèdre coming up next and Grenache rounding out the blend. It drinks beautifully. Straight away, the wine drinks quite well, although a little tight. Given about 20-25 minutes in glass, the aromatics really begin to open up. Tobacco, dark fruits, slight brett, are shown on the nose and mirrored on the palate. A great wine and it has the legs to go the distance, at least medium term. I would think this wine capable of aging easily another 4-5 years. And for the money, this wine looks all the more attractive. Retail +/- $25.

Fourth Course: Poached Pear with Crispy Phyllo Dough and Milk Chocolate Custard.
Selected Wine: N/A

Another 'wow factor' dish. The custard went on the plate first. The phyllo dough was baked in a cup shape and placed inverted over the custard, keeping it out of view. After carmelizing sugar on the top of the pear, it was set atop the phyllo. The dish was finished with a sauce of pastis, diced pear, and sugar.

The crowd went nuts.

Again, apologies for the long winded description. I'm sure there will be another dinner soon. I'll let you know how it goes.

He said, she said

It is always remarkable to me how many ways the same story can be told. In this light, I very rarely ever take one version as absolute. Case in point: The Mondavi Screwjob.

From the Press Democrat (Sonoma): 190 layoffs after Mondavi buyout

From the SacBee (Sacramento): Constellation lays off 320 wine workers

WTF?

This just in....Most people don't know jack

Not that this comes as a huge surprise. I'm not sure if I would include the author, but I have my suspicions:

Study: Wine drinkers can't tell cork difference

From the article:

"Winemakers argue about the advantages of natural corks versus synthetic corks or metal screwtops, but the average wine drinker can't tell any difference in product quality, according to Oregon State University researchers."

Really?!? I guess I didn't realized there was some raging debate among winemakers as to which stopper to use. In fact, I would think that if there is any argument, it is precisely that, which one to use, not the comparative advantages of each one. And as far as the average wine drinker or any consumer is concerned, recognizing the difference in product quality would be the last ability I would afford them. Remember the 'taste-test' commercials that Coke and Pepsi ran ad-naseum? Of course, I used to be an addict so I may not have room to speak, but they never offered a 'Choice C: It all sucks and you shouldn't drink any of it'.

"A companion study found that many consumers associate metal screwtops with inferior wine, and some people have reservations about synthetic corks. Consumers in the OSU study were willing to pay a higher price for wine topped with a natural cork."

Thank God for the 'companion study'. It must be a slow news day up in Salem, Oregon. And how much do you think the people who administered this 'study' got paid to do so? Maybe I'm in the wrong business. So here's the breakdown:

Average Consumer : Screwcap = Screw-crap

Average Consumer : Idiot

"Metal tops and synthetic corks have caught on in the wine industry because wines packaged with natural corks are vulnerable to "cork taint"--the term used in wine circles to describe when a bottle goes bad. Wineries can't prevent corked wine entirely unless they switch to one of the alternatives."

Here goes, one by one: These 'alternatives' have caught on for many reasons, TCA being 'relatively' low on the list. Topping that list - cost. Second, thanks for the 'wine circles' bit. It's good to see the (non-wine related) press doing their part to further the notion that you have to be 'in' to get anything. And lastly, switching closures in no way ensures a 100% 'corked free' winery. The simple reality is that yes, the most commonly blamed source (and often mis-directed) of cork taint is the cork. The compound 2,4,6 TCA is able to thrive in barrels as well as any wood surface throughout the winery. Of course, no winery would likely admit that they have fungus and the like running amuck throughout their billion dollar facility, so blame it on the cork.

I understand that the author probably wasn't afforded a great deal of column space for this article, bit it strikes me as yet another example of the 'mis-information' that goes on daily in the world of wine.

One more time

Yet another article in what seems like an endless trail of poo concerning all things cork. For the record, the author must be making some bones off this thing because this is about the sixth time I have seen this article in various papers.

Should the cork be saved?

Straight way, the title is silly. Read the article if you feel inclined, it will shed no new light on an already tired topic. There was one interesting line:

"In the last six months alone, I have encountered three TCA-tainted wines from a single winery with an otherwise sterling reputation."

At the risk of sounding like an idiot, what does this experience (three bottles corked in 6 months) do for that 'sterling' reputation. And who the hell proclaimed it 'sterling' in the first place? In all the reviews of wine across the myriad options of media, I can't think of one instance where the author commented on the 'cleanliness' of a particular winery. Fermentation vessels and practices, yes. Fining and Filtering processes, perhaps. But never have I read something like 'the vat romm was impeccable'...'so clean, you could eat off the floor'...or even 'I spent 8 hours getting stroked off by the staff, in the vineyards, the caves, and the dining room and the whole time, I didn't see TCA once'.

I fear the author bought in a little heavy on the tasting room speal.

Small time politics

Most people harbor somewhat romantic notions when the thought of a winery comes to mind. Apparently, for the folks of Hume, Virginia (you know the one), not so much:

Staunch opposition delays winery's plans

My abhorrance of politicians ranks just below that which I hold for lawyers (at least most of them). Here, we get a little of both:

"Board members now have until Feb. 3 to decide whether William and John McIntire will be allowed to hold "up to 15 events during a calendar year, with a maximum attendance of less than 150 people per event" at their 26-acre Stillhouse Vineyards, according to zoning department records."

This is what happens when you let lawyers start writing things. More often than not, the stuff reads like double speak (i.e. 'maximum attendance of less than..) What's so hard with saying 'These yahoos can get down once a month with 150 people tops'? Straight to the point, everybody understands, and you don't have to pay some lawyer $500/hour to act as interpreter.

Potential 'genius' nominee:

"It seems to me having 150-plus person parties and having outdoor music is not an integral part of making wine," Brenda Moorman said. "The core issue is if the applicant is trying to establish an entertainment business."

This lady ought to thank her ancestors for their spelling abilities because she's one 'm' away from taking the prize. Ms. Moorman, you are correct in deducing that having parties and music aren't integral to making wine. You are also an idiot. I understand the apprehension you and you're neighbors feel and if Stillhouse Vineyards was trying to convert Hume into Orlando, you would be totally justified. I'll let you in on a little secret. One thing (of many) that is integral to a running a winery is actually selling the wine! Another secret is that while some very good wines are being made in your fine state, Virginia is not exactly the 'must-see' place for your average wine consumer. I trust that armed with these two bits of information, you can begin to understand why Stillhouse might want to do a little entertaining.

"Unwanted disturbances do have health effects," Lila Layton said. "People can get pretty upset ... and animals do not like disturbance. Horses will flee and dogs will get upset."

Not sure what to do about the people. The horses...well isn't that what horses do, run? Maybe Virginia has herds of wild horses that I have never heard about but don't the folks that own horses also own fences? And the dogs...well, I reckon outlawing sirens on emergency vehicles will be on the docket soon.

And you were worried about TCA.

That's 'cork taint' for chemically challenged. In this thing life and wine, one tends to sweat the small stuff. Brett or no Brett, American or French Oak, Fined or Filtered, etc..

Cohn son recovering in Florida

Here's the article:

"1.11.05 - Joseph Cohn, the 27-year-old son of Sonoma Valley winery owner Bruce Cohn, is making a strong comeback after his body was ravaged by malaria.

As a Peace Corps volunteer, he was stationed in northern Zambia. He apparently caught a deadly strain of malaria that kills more than 2 million people annually in Africa.

He became ill while on a fishing trip in Costa Rica with his father and brother. He ended up in intensive care, first in Costa Rica and then in the Cleveland Clinic in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. By Christmas he was breathing on his own and by New Year's Eve he was out of intensive care.

Although he will still need physical therapy and dialysis for another two months, plans are for him to fly back to California by Jan. 17.

Cohn grew up in the Sonoma Valley and Santa Rosa. Cards or notes for him and his family can be sent to the B.R. Cohn Winery, 15000 Sonoma Highway, Glen Ellen, CA 95442.

Updates on his condition are available online at www.zambiajoe.com."

While I've never been a huge fan of their wines, I wish this upon no man. There's an old saying that goes something like: 'I used to be pissed about having no shoes, until I met a man with no feet'.

Godspeed, Joe.

Tax 'em if you got 'em - part 2

Talking with my good friend Mr. Johnny StarPants, he posed the question 'How many people actually live in Montana?' Good question and one that I will look into at a later date.

So these two clowns stopped calling me for advice a while back but here goes:

Instead of taxing the beer, give it away. Seriously, it's Montana. I know it's beautiful and a few people can hack the winters, but for the rest of us, there's this really cool invention called the postcard. So this is your platform for the next time on the stump:

Welcome to Montana - Home of Free Beer. Your population will grown exponentially thus increasing the income tax revenue, cigarette sales will go through the roof ( and seeing as you already raised the taxes on these things, double your pleasure), and for the idiots that actually get out on the road and drive, you can literally put them under the jail, if for no other reason, sheer stupidity.

Yours Truly,

Honky

Tax 'em if you got 'em

Possible candidates in the running for 'Genius of the Week':

Bozeman lawmakers propose higher alcohol taxes

First up:

"Rep. Chris Harris, D-Bozeman, is bringing back a bill that would raise taxes on beer, wine and liquor to pay for the prevention and treatment of fetal alcohol syndrome, or FAS a disabling birth defect caused by alcohol consumption."

I'm sure that this is merely a mistake in writing and not the true intent of the proposal but is it possible to actually 'pay for the prevention' of anything?

"House Bill 252 is similar to a proposal Harris brought before lawmakers in 2003. That bill didn't make it out of committee, and Harris gives this attempt a less-than-50/50 shot of success."

I'm not exactly what you would call a 'betting man' but these look like pretty lousy odds.

"But that doesn't mean it's not worth doing, because maybe more people will focus on the problem," he said Wednesday."

Yo Harris, check this out. Maybe the 'problem' is that you want to tax drinking. I know it's a novel thought, but think it over.

Enter candidate #2:

"In the other chamber, Sen. Mike Wheat, D-Bozeman, has introduced a bill that would place a 5-cents-per-can tax on beer. The new tax would pay for alcohol abuse prevention programs. Wheat's bill has yet to be assigned a number."

Here's my suggestion for the number: HB-Hell NO!

"Both lawmakers look at their proposals in the same light as the tobacco tax, which is used to cover the cost of tobacco-related social ills."

With all due respect...my ass!

"It's a use tax," Wheat said. "You don't have to pay it unless you use the product."

Really? And I suppose the 'use' tax that the great state of Montana placed on diesel fuel doesn't really factor into the price of my beer that was delivered to the store via an 18 wheeler, right?

"Blazer also said passing a beer tax would send the wrong message to out-of-state brewers who buy Montana barley."

WTF?

God help this country.

Public Education? Maybe, maybe not.

I could tear this thnig apart in myraid ways. For the sake of brevity, here's the entire article:

Student Brings Wine Coolers For Extra Credit:

"HEATH, Ohio -- A Heath Middle School student served watered-down wine coolers to classmates while presenting an extra-credit report on the food and drink of the ancient Greeks, according to a newspaper report.

The student's parent allegedly admitted to mixing wine coolers with water for the child to pass out on Friday in social studies class, police told the Newark Advocate.

Each student drank less than a small paper cup of the mixture before the teacher caught on to what was happening and threw it away, Superintendent Jay Gault told the newspaper. The school notified parents of the incident.

Police said the student was suspended from school for 10 days. No charges were filed, The Advocate reported.

Gault said he is baffled a parent would send alcohol to school with a student.

"I guess they thought that was appropriate," he said.

Neither Heath police nor school officials would identify the student or parents."

One question. What kind of wine coolers were they? I would think a sixer of Bartles & James might warrant 3-4 in the can. If the kid brought Zima, his folks should be run out of town on a rail.

What is and what should never be

For whatever reason, I woke up this morning full of piss and vinegar. Everything, and I mean everything has gone exactly opposite to plan. In hope of finding some solace in the world of wine, I checked my sources for some uplifting/inspiring article from somewhere. This is what I found:

Break out bubbly and raise a glass to salute Colts

For the record, I am all about people drinking more wine than they do so currently. I am also admittedly, not the biggest fan of American football. To put it bluntly, I don't give a damn about it. But if cheering on your favorite gang of meatheads gets you going (and as I child, I remember 'being' a fan of the Steelers - but then who wasn't), why not drink something out of the ordinary? From the article:

"Easley Indiana Champagne, $14. Sweet, fruity, sparkling wine that will please any palate. Perfect with appetizers of any sort: cheeses, nuts, ham rollups, spinach dip.

First off, it's bad enough that my friends out west continue to bastardize this name. Second, I haven't consulted a map but I would be willing to bet that Indiana isn't anywhere close to Champagne. Third, Indiana? And lastly, I know it's football but what the hell is it with the 'ham rollups'. I know that people have been serving this crap to each other for millenia, but for the love of God, stop it. You, yes you, have the power to exact a change. Do the world a favor and please break the cycle. Seriously, just be honest for about one second and admit that you don't really like these things, you just eat them because you don't want to come across as rude. While you're at it, put the kibosh on the cheese ball, the pecan log, the green bean casserole (yes, with the 'French Fried Onions' on top), and anything that comes out of a can. This includes, but is not limited to Cranberry Sauce. The F.A. opened a can of this stuff this after to put on her sandwich. It is wrong. Anything that retains the shape of its container after being removed from it, makes no damn sense. Anything short of ice, and it melts. Back to the article:

"Available at: Payless Liquors, 1743 E. Main St., Plainfield (317) 838-7281; Payless Liquors, 2511 Albany St., Beech Grove, (317) 788-4139; Elite Beverages, 5780 Sunnyside Road, (317) 823-8790."

I reckon the shoe business isn't doing all that hot, so they've expanded. Also, could this be a 'loose' interpretation of the word 'Elite'?

"St. Julian Winery Passionate Peach Spumante, Michigan, $8. Delightful blend of peach nectar, passionfruit juice and sparkling wine. Perfect pour for brunch. Serve with cinnamon-apple pancakes and sausage links or cheese-egg casserole and hickory-smoked bacon."

Wow! Maybe there's something lost in translation, but this sounds disgusting. And what the hell is a cheese-egg casserole? Is that like a quiche? Oh, that's right, football dudes don't eat that shit. For that matter, neither do I. A frittata? Sounds a bit funny. I appreciate the attempt at offering food pairings, but this reads all bad.

"St. Julian Winery Raspberry Spumante, Michigan, $8. Think fresh-picked raspberries from the bush, mixed with sweet, soft bubbles. Tasty treat for breakfast with waffles, pancakes or with chocolate desserts -- oh my!"

Oh my! is right. How about 'Think about ordering a beer'?

Say it ain't so, Joe

It looks like the axe is falling, literally:

Cracks begin to show in American oak

"Oeneo, whose two core businesses are in closures and barrels, has sold its US oak stave mill in Bloomfield, Iowa for €0.9million. The company disclosed that the plant operated at a loss of €0.7million in 2004 and at €0.9million in 2003."

So what, right? Aside from a few (hundred?) people losing their jobs, this is possibly further evidence of 'the trend' that myself and others have yammered on about in the past. The rise of wines that are either 'un-oaked' or wines where the oak takes a back seat (read 'supporting role') to the qualities of the grape/s. At the risk of waxing eloquent on the virtues of oak, this is pretty interesting. Most people recognize oak (or the effects of it on the wine in their glass), but very few can really identify and point out the individual characteristics that the various types of oak possess. The role of oak and from whence it came will make your head explode if you think about it too much, but it is one of myraid variables that makes wine so interesting to me.

"Serpette told BeverageDaily.com that the operating losses of the factory reflect, at least in part, a shift in trend. “American oak has been declining over the last two years. The stronger, I could say, ‘more woody’, taste given by American oak is no longer popular, and is therefore losing favour with the winemaker.”

I, for one, am not going to lose a wink of sleep over this. I have had my fill of American Oak, at least where it pertains to wine. Start monkeying around with Bourbon, and we're going to have some problems.

Serpette explained that “American oak is stronger and faster - French oak takes more time to impregnate the wine.” The American variety has much higher levels of flavourants - especially lactones that give wine a ‘woody’ flavour. Analysis carried out at Stellenbosch University in South Africa ascertained that the levels of lactones are between 1 to 77mg per gram in French wood but as high as 158 mg per gram in American. Vanillins are also more prominent in American oak (11 vs 6 mg).

At the risk of taking this entry to the 'blue' end of the spectrum, the opening statement nails it. And not only about oak, but about the overall wines that emerge. To explain, 5-6 months ago, I was reading an article. I believe it was in Decanter but may have been somewhere else. The gist of it was that the author had taken 12 wines from France to California, and vice-versa. The author sat with the winemaker and tasted through the wines. A sort of 'straight-from-the-horse's-mouth' tasting