Gimme that 'S'

Well, not me exactly, but someone out there apparently really wants one. And from the looks of a recent email, they want the one at the end of Tom Wark's blog Fermentation(sans 'S').

Understandably, Tom has put the kibosh on the who/why/where to the whole issue but I can't help but wonder: Who's the Dick? (or better said, the Dick with the lawyers)

A few possibilities:

fermentations.com

fermentations.on.ca

fermentation

fermentations

fermentations

great fermentations

You get the idea. Anyway, make sure you update your bookmarks and RSS feeds to the new (?) site : www.fermentation.typepad.com

End of days?

That's the question that's been rolling around amongst the cobwebs in my skull for the last day or two. Not because of hurricanes and earthquakes. Not because of war, genocide, starvation or potential pandemics. Not even the undeniable fact that every politician in this country is a spineless cheese-dick that has his and only his interest in power at heart. These things are merely facts of life and/or a period in the cycle of earth.

What really has me thinking of making the proverbial 'run to the hills' is this.

Brown-Forman [which markets wines such as Jekel, Fetzer, and Bolla - (all of which suck - T.t.S.)] recently jumped into this vat hand-in-hand with Virgin Atlantic Chief Richard Branson in launching Virgin Vines.

That's right, Virgin Vines. Without working too hard at it, here are a few other things that Virgin does : Record Company, Cell Phone Carrier, Mega-Box Super Store, International Airline, Resort Management, and now Wine Producer. And as with everything else they do, the word 'Virgin' lends that extra cheeky-ness that equals dollar signs.

But what about the wines:

The Chardonnay, like so many California Chardonnays, has all the body and texture of Saran Wrap. It's not so much wine as Chardonnay-flavored water -- thin, utterly forgettable, and seemingly made without any true care.

The Shiraz could just as easily be called "The Red Stuff." In fact, given the marketing campaign, I'm surprised it isn't. The Shiraz was definitely more drinkable than the Chardonnay, but if offered nothing that can't be found in the ubiquitous Australian Shirazes or the California bulk wines from the same vats from which Virgin was undoubtedly tapped.

What a glowing review but in the end it probably won't matter. Given the endless buffet of total crap music that Virgin keeps pumping out, it is obvious that their demographic has absolutely no taste. Why not make wines the same way?

Arguably the best part of the article:

That's why wine scholar, former vintner, and current wine merchant Thomas Pellechia says Virgin's campaign is troubling, but not surprising. "In the tasting room I used to run and in my travels, one of the things I've been appalled to learn is that members of the general American public seemed to take pride in not knowing too much about the world around them -- as if knowledge was something that made you bad, or worse, dull," he recalls.

And that's pretty much gets to the heart of it all, doesn't it? Never mind that there is a whole world out there with their traditions and cultures - I don't care. Just give me what I want in nice bite-size portions and make damn-sure it says Cab or Shiraz on the front label. Otherwise I won't know if I like it or not.

Damnit.

What's goin' on?!?

Over the course of the last 10-12 days, there has been a massive fire in Ca - all indications are that it was arson, and most fingers are heading in this dude's direction. I'm sure it's just dumb luck that he owns a competing wine storage business and that he just happened to be in the building of Wines Central the day their place started licking flame.

North of the border, the leviathan that is Constellation Brands can't seem to keep their 'you-know-what' in their pants and are stepping up their action on Vincor. Evidently, Constellation approached Vincor at a rate of $31 (Can), to which the folks on the board of Vincor replied, "Yeah? Go suck it". And so the PR battle begins.

Constellation CEO Richard Sands said, "We have not seen any evidence that Vincor has a process to sell the company, and they have been totally resistant to share information or include us in a process."

Unless Vincor was interested in selling themselves, why the hell are they obligated to share anything with you?

And then there's this little bit:

Vincor also said that Constellation had earlier verbally presented a price indication of $36 or higher.

So the old bait and switch, heh? Sweet.

Unfortunately, I think we already know the way this thing is going to end. As one fellow tradesman put, 'Constellation gets what Constellation wants'. Sad but true.

This is only confirmed by Constellation's recent acquisition of Rex Goliath. Not familiar with it, you say? Just wait. It will be in every grocery store imaginable before you know it. That way it doesn't matter which shitty CA wine the monkeys buy, Constellation wins. Love Ravenswood, even though it is a shadow of its former self? They've got you covered. Use to love Ravenswood until it sold out to the man and drink only Pinot Noir since that 'great' movie came out? Don't worry about it.

For the love of God, when will it end?

Up in Smoke

A very disappointing event unfolded yesterday in the form of a massive warehouse fire at Wines Central in Vallejo, California. Here are a couple of different takes on the situation:

Warehouse fire destroys huge wine collection

and

Millions in wine threatened in massive blaze

What's most curious are these two statements. From the first article:

"Wines Central was billed on its Web site as having "state-of-the-art" fire monitoring systems..."

and from the second:

"The building has no sprinkler system."

Hmmm.

Too good to be true?

AS the saying goes, probably so. This article has been picked up by a number of people so I will keep my comments rather brief. The long and short of it is that some dude in the backwoods of Japan has invented the viniferous equivalent of the Magic Eight Ball:

"Hiroshi Tanaka has spent 15 years developing an electrolysis device that simulates, he claims, the effect of ageing in wines. In 15 seconds it can transform the cheapest, youngest plonks into fine old draughts as fruit flavours are enhanced and rough edges are mellowed, he says."

Unbelievable. As in, I don't believe it.

Although this sort of thing rings a bell (all credit to Mike Judge):

[Scene Michael and Samir's cubicle. They're sitting there worrying.]

MICHAEL
Shit. Shit.

TOM
You know there are people in this world who don't have to put up with all this shit? Like that guy that invented the pet rock. You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that and you never have to work again!

MICHAEL
I don't think the pet rock was really such a good idea.

TOM
The guy made a million dollars! Y'know… I had an idea like that once.

PETER
Really? What was it, Tom?

TOM
Well, all right. It was a Jump… to Conclusions-mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor and it would have different conclusions written on it that you could…jump to.

MICHAEL
That is the worse idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom.

SAMIR
Yes, yes, it's horrible…this idea….

The magic bullet?

I occasionally comment on 'wineries' that are being opened up in areas that (in my opinion) are less than desirable for the production of fine wine. And for the record, the use of the word 'fine' is not just to make people feel more intimidated than they already are. Nor is a vehicle for charging more money. No, it actually means something. As an analogy, consider shoes. Why drop some serious coin on a pair of fine leather shoes when you can get out of Payless for less than twenty bucks? The answer: Because a pair of Keds never got anybody laid.

I digress.

Back to why every damn state thinks that a winery is the must-have addition to their agri-business. It is curious, and more curious once the politicians get involved. What am I getting at? Well, this.

"The unit’s commander, Lt. Terry Martchink, said the unit arrested nearly 30 drivers suspected of being drunk during the height of wine season last year along an 18-mile, winding stretch of Highway 94 between Highway 40-61 and Augusta. The Missouri State Highway Patrol reported 20 DWI arrests along the entire stretch of Highway 94 in the county last year."

At the risk of coming across as one of those conspiracy freaks, you have to wonder. It seems that it didn't take too long for Johnny Law to figure out where to make up a little revenue - Winery Row.

Of course, the wineries have to be held accountable as well. They are only following the money trail that others have blazed before them - Over extract, Ferment to 18 degrees, and Slap 400% new oak all over it.

After all, that's what the people want, right?

A little insight.

Catching up on a bunch of reading from last week, I came across an article from the San Francisco Chronicle concerning a man that will probably never get the credit he truly deserves. His name, Kermit Lynch. I highly recommend reading the article as it affords Mr. Lynch a bit of ink to explain his views. One example:

If California Cabernet Sauvignons and Australian Shirazes are "big" in body, tannins and alcohol, Lynch likes his wines small -- made by smaller producers, with lower alcohol levels and an often misunderstood quality, "finesse."

"Finesse to most Americans means light," Lynch says. "But it doesn't mean that in France. It means harmony, balance, completeness."

As they say, somethings do get lost in translation.

And if you ever find yourself in Berkeley, California you would be remiss if you did not stop in at his retail store on San Pablo Ave. It is a mecca of sorts.

One year on...

since the release of Mondovino and what's happened? Decanter.com had this article last week quoting some notables. Among them was this one:

'I don't see a problem that 80% of wine is made in an industrial way,' said de Montille. 'But leave the 20% who express their difference well alone.'

Amen, brother.

Now, for those of you reading this, from which group are you drinking? I know which one I am.

Ooops

You can't make this stuff up:

SAN RAFAEL, Calif. - Two men shooting pellet guns to scare birds from a vineyard found themselves in the middle of a full-blown police siege after a resident mistakenly reported seeing a sniper.

Police wielding automatic weapons and wearing flak jackets swarmed a residential neighborhood Tuesday near Terra Linda High School after a report that someone was crouching in the hills with a high-powered rifle.

Officers closed off a nearby street and ordered the high school to lock its doors.

Scott Doughty and Gary Volkerts, managers of Point Reyes Vineyards, were found lying on a hillside when police detained them at gunpoint.

Doughty said he feared for his safety.

"I think they went overboard," said Doughty. "It was pretty severe."

Police said the heavily armed response was appropriate and followed department procedure. No charges, however, were brought.

"We're relieved that it wasn't the real thing," said San Rafael police Sgt. Jonathan Bean. "We were under the assumption they were armed, based on the report."

Nice.

Sorry for the delay.

My apologies for the lack of posting as of late, but I have been running around like the proverbial 'Chicken'. Between tastings - both locally and in Atlanta - wine dinners, both locally and in Hilton Head - the weddings of two very good friends - and a tropical storm that dumped a bunch of rain - things have been a bit hectic.

Not to mention the shop. People are picking up what I'm putting down and as it turns out, selling wine is a bit more profitable than posting to the blog, so guess which one I have been doing more of.

Never fear, le Honky lives to write aonther day, so stay tuned. Good things are afoot.