Turn the Screw

Flogging a Dead Horse - Version 11954.2

Christian — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:48:00 +0000

Any one who has met me, had dinner with me, bought wine from me, been to my shop, read this blog, or otherwise doesn't have their head firmly planted in their own ass has at one time or another been privy to the never ending discussion concerning points and how the relate(?) to wine. I have no desire to rehash this subject.

REPEAT : I have no desire to rehash this subject.

But it seems that there are many who simply can't get enough. Bouncing around the web today, I found a rather well written (albeit rather long) article delving once again into the abyss - referred to here as 'The Number'.

Wine Ratings Might Not Pass the Sobriety Test

I must admit that I am not familiar with Gary Rivlin or his writing but he does a pretty good job breaking it down - so to speak. If you've got a few minutes to kill, give it a read.

Here are a couple of the better points made:

A rating system that draws a distinction between a cabernet scoring 90 and one receiving an 89 implies a precision of the senses that even many wine critics agree that human beings do not possess. Ratings are quick judgments that a single individual renders early in the life of a bottle of wine that, once expressed numerically, magically transform the nebulous and subjective into the authoritative and objective.

Right on.

Mr. Tisherman, then editor of Wine Enthusiast, also realized that he risked irrelevancy if he did not follow suit. He watched the Spectator use what Mr. Shanken called 'the advance' - the scores his magazine sends out weeks ahead of the actual publication date so that retailers can stock up on highly rated wines to entrench itself as a central player in the wine industry.
"Basically the Spectator was saying, Use our numbers, which well send you ahead of time, so you can order a lot of that wine and then watch it fly out of the store", Mr. Tisherman said.

Keep this in mind next time some clown tries selling you a wine based on points.

Still, Michael De Loach, the vice president of the Hook and Ladder winery in Sonoma County, wonders if scoring mania is healthy for the industry. Wilfred is a bona fide wine guy, "but really, think about it, who needs Parker when you can make up your own numbers?" Mr. De Loach said. "If Parker or Spectator dont give you a high enough score, you can make up your own."

Read the fine print on those shelf-talkers. This is happening far more than you realize.

And lastly:

In recognition of this growing sophistication, Mr. De Loach says it is time to switch to a three- or four-star rating system because applying a 100-point scale to wine is dishonest. It makes the consumer think its scientific. He expressed his appreciation for the publications that have established their reputations by using it, but also declared it a noble experiment whose time is over.

I don't know Mr. De Loach or his wines (I have talked with a guy that does some work for him and he's cool) but this dude has got it goin' on, non-numerically speaking of course.

Econ 101

Christian — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 19:05:00 +0000

In all actuality, I have no business pining about the ins-and-outs of economics. There's this dude are many others that are far more qualified. And generally, save for the occasional pool match, I am not a betting man. However, even I recognize this as a 'losing proposition'.

"California’s and the world’s largest winery, E&J Gallo, has tossed out the first California wine grape price pitch of the season. It was low and away.

A price of $125 per ton for open market Thompson seedless grapes and other low value white grapes...

I suppose it's good to be king (i.e. Gallo). The article goes on to say that this very well may be the 'floor' as far as pricing goes and if that's the case, folks in CA might want to consider some other means of income.

DiBuduo said at 7.5 tons $125 per ton is a gross income of $1,000, $400 to $500 less per acre than it cost to produce the grapes “and that is if you have the ranch paid off.”

So let us on to the math:

1. Grape growing costs $1500 per acre (quantity X)
2. Grapes grown sell for $1000 per acre (quantity Y)

X + Y = YOU'RE SCREWED

And this is surely only a sign of things to come. 2005 yielded a 'bumper crop' in CA and just like the rest of the world, the meglo-agro-oeno-corporations are in the proverbial 'cat bird seat' with reserves of juice at the ready. Increased competition on all fronts continues to rise as newer plantings in all corners of the world come on-line. Employment costs are on the rise and immigration reforms abound.

All of this continues to spell things all bad for growers.

The ringer of the article:

“I hope this is not the floor for future wine grapes this season,” said Nat DiBuduo, president of Allied Grape Growers. “I was hoping for higher price. Surprised? I am not surprised by anything that goes on in this industry any more.(emphasis T.t.S.)

Amen, brother.

Jack-Hole To Resume Blogging

Christian — Tue, 18 Jul 2006 23:00:00 +0000

Just thought I would fire the proverbial 'shot across the bow' and give anybody out there who cares a heads-up that I will be getting back to getting down on this thing blog.

I'm fairly certain the numbers of those interested are few and far between.....you don't call, you don't write, I'm not sure if I even know you anymore...

Regardless, there have been a few not so minor events (unless you are American John Q. Sixpack - in which case you probably didn't even notice) like the Stanley Cup (damn thos 'canes), the World Cup (damn those Italians - just kidding, but dial back the diving a little bit please), and the Tour de France (Go Floyd) that have been taking up a little bit of my life.

So stay tuned, more fun to come

And speaking of the growers....

Christian — Wed, 03 May 2006 23:25:00 +0000

As per my previous post, I have severe reservations considering certain adjustments to regulations in the wine industry.

If the growers in California aren't careful, they could be looking at a very similar situation.

It is a pretty interesting transcription of a news report and one worth reading. In the interest of time, I offer one little bit:

JOHN SFYRIS: If I had 20 semitrailers, because one semitrailer takes 20 tonnes, 20 semitrailers full of fruit, that's how much fruit that's getting to get dropped on the ground. We could place a lot of wineries here, interstate, no-one wants it.

JIM SFYRIS, GRAPE GROWER: No interest.

JOHN SFYRIS: There's no interest in it. We've had one offer for around $80-100 a tonne.

JIM SFYRIS: That's 8-10 cents a bottle.

JOHN SFYRIS: It's not worth growing it.

Think about it.

Capitulation - The Beginning of the End

Christian — Wed, 03 May 2006 22:07:00 +0000

Or maybe a better title would be 'Money gets what Money wants'. Either way I find this more than a little troubling.

Feds institute looser standard for vintage wines

I'm sure the vast majority of people (wine drinkers and Non - alike) have no idea and probably no interest in the subtleties of various regulations that govern the wine industry or anything else for that matter. Consequently, those fine folks 'up on the hill' get away with whatever they want to.

"Currently, at least 95 percent of a vintage-dated wine must come from grapes harvested in the vintage year cited on the label. The new rules will lower this standard, so that at least 85 percent of a vintage-dated wine must be derived from vintage-year grapes."

That's right. No longer does the vintage matter. One of the base arguments for this whole thing was to put American wineries on 'equal footing' with their competitors, specifically Australia. I'm sure t goes without saying that I find this a less-than-desirable 'solution' to what those out west consider a 'problem' Recently, the EU made a similar move. Used to be that they had 'standards' concerning the processes by which wine was made - reverse osmosis, watering back, addition of oak chips as opposed to the far more expensive (and traditional) use of oak barrels. Well those things are long gone now. The argument used then??? 'We can't compete with the Americans and the Australians.' Well, it appears that everyone is getting in on this process of driving the bar as far into the ground as possible.

"Older wines can be made to taste younger and fresher," prominent Lodi, Calif.-based grower and vintner John Kautz advised regulators, "(and) younger wines can be blended to add some aged characteristics."

While the words that he uses 'make sense', that doesn't prevent this from being one of the dumbest things I've heard in a while. What's the point of aging a wine in the first place, jack-ass?!?!

I know that I'm sounding a bit like ol' Chicken Little and most people would say 'You'll never see the reputable producers taking advantage of such a thing' blah, blah, blah. Well, I have my doubts. From what I've read, there is absolutely nothing to repvent them from doing so. And what exactly is a 'reputable' producer anyway. It wasn't all that long ago that Mondavi et al was the cream of the crop, so to speak.

Tom over at Fermentation says that this 85/15 rule only applies to wines that carry the generic 'California' label, i.e. no winery that labels their wines winth an appellation will be allowed to use this practice. He may be right. But it is only recently that certain 'appellations' have been granted the right to enforce the idea that the fruit comes from the place on the label. Do a Google on the Napa Valley Vintners Association and their recent legal battles.

And given that there is so much grey area in the delineations of appellation, fruit source, why is that crazy that this 85/15 rule won't ultimately be applied to all wines. After all, the crux of this latest argument is to give 'equal footing'

One last thought. Suppose that at some point, Harlan does blend in 15% from a previous vintage(s). Is it reasonable to assume that this would be disclosed to a Parker, Laube, Tanzer, et al? And furthermore, if it were, would this then be disseminated to the masses via Wine Advocate, Wine Spectator, etc...? I suspect the answer is 'Hell No!'.

And what would be the fallout if one of the aforementioned clowns were to proclaim, say 2007, the vintage of the century, only for it to become known that a certain percentage of the wine wasn't from said vintage.

Oh, forget about it. That would never happen.

And what about the growers.....?

Sweet Sassy Mo-Lassy

Christian — Mon, 01 May 2006 23:05:00 +0000

There are those of us in the industry (myself included) who from time to time get all wrapped up in the 'romance' of wine, the small vineyards, hand crafted, miniscule production kind of stuff. On the contrary, every now and then, something comes down the pike and you start to feel like your head is going to explode.

This is one of those times.

The stunning growth of the Australian wine industry has come to a dramatic halt with at least 60,000 tonnes of grapes -- equivalent to 55 million bottles -- left unpicked and almost an entire 12-month supply of wine still in vats from last year.

For the mathematically challenged, that 55m equals jsut under 4.6 MILLION cases of wine. I feel it no understatement to say - that's a shit-ton of wine to just leave on the vine.

It goes on:

He said estimates of wine still in storage varied from between 500 million and 900million litres.

Again, going back to the calculator, the amount of juice sitting in 'storage' amounts to somewhere between 375M and 675M bottles of 'finished wine'. Granted, a great deal of this stuff will processed out into various 'alco-beverages' but still, has there been a better example of the old phrase 'Too much of a good thing'.

I would think that even a leviathan such as [yellow tail] might have a little difficulty dealing with these sorts of numbers.

Maybe this could become the 'alternative fuel' that the clowns on TV keep talking about. Anyone interested in R/D for this type of thing ought to head down under, I suspect you can get testing material for pennies on the dollar.

Bored with your single malt scotch?!? Check this out!!!!

Christian — Sat, 29 Apr 2006 19:13:00 +0000

Just when I thought the alcohol industry in this country had reached the lowest point in the abyss of kitchy, over-sweetened, dumb-ass, 100% guaranteed quickest way to get a hang-over, bullshit ideas to market to the masses, I am proved wrong yet again.

Greenville, SC. You know the place. Home of Bob Jones University. Where the BBQ is, for some un-godly reason, yellow. When asked, they'll tell you it's 'Carolina BBQ'. Well, add one one more to the list of brilliant ideas to come out of this intellectual hot-bed.

Envision a 'pipe-bomb' - one tube with threaded ends and sealed with end caps. Now, instead of that pipe bomb being made from metal, make it out of translucent plastic. And instead of being packed full of C4 or ammonium nitrate, this thing has a dayglow substance that was liquid before your soon-to-be-favorite bartender stuck it in the fridge, at which point it congealed. Now the stage is set. You find another person that is nearly as drunk as you are. You deftly unscrew both caps off the pipe. You place one end in your mouth and the other end in the mouth of your buddy. With precise timing you take a deep breath and pressurize your end of the pipe. As a result, 180 ml of orange flavored jello goes streaming down the throat of your new best friend. A great time is had by all. Hell, let's do it again.

Sounds great, huh? Well just in case you thought I was making this up, I'm not.

It's called 'Suck & Blow' and it is for real. I held one of these things in my hand the other day while helping a rep unload my wine. As you might expect, you can learn everything there is to know about this brilliant idea at suckandblow.com.

From the website:

Why is it so much fun? Well, SUCK & BLOW is a gelatin shooter encased in a patented plastic tube and in order to enjoy this flirtatious shot, you'll need a partner.

That's right, it takes two to tango with this tasty treat. One person to "SUCK" and another to help force out the shot with a little "BLOW". It's this interaction that makes SUCK & BLOW so popular.

There are so many ways I could go with this, I think I'll just leave it alone.

One more thing....

If the idea of buying this stuff pre-made doesn't do for you, the guys at SAB Enterprises (I'm not shitting, that's what they call themselves) will sell a box full of the tubes empty so you can 'mix it up' for yourself. Not sure how to do that??? Well, they have a great step-by-step tutorial that shows you how. You can check it out here. I especially like page 4 of the demo where is states:

1/2 GALLON SPIRIT OF YOUR CHOICE OR HIGH ENERGY MIX.

I suppose I never considered it before, but now that I do, I guess nothing says party like getting all jacked up on caffine and jello.

MMMM...MMMMM

I think I'll go jump off a bridge now.

Differences?.....

Christian — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 17:39:00 +0000

Oh, let me count the ways.

At the risk of starting some pissing match on the pros and cons of various styles of auto racing, I submit the following:

"Infineon Raceway and Ravenswood Winery have entered into a partnership that will make the Sonoma-based winery the title sponsor of pole qualifying day at the Dodge/Save Mart 350 NASCAR NEXTEL Cup weekend, June 23-25, raceway officials announced.

Ravenswood Pole Day will take place on Friday, June 23, as the 43-car starting grid is set for the weekend's Dodge/Save Mart 350."(emphasis T.t.S.)

Conversely...:

"Other drinks companies involved in Formula 1 include Champagne Mumm, the sole supplier of Champagne to every Grand Prix and German brewer Warsteiner, which is a partner of the McLaren team."

For the record, I would much rather watch Kimi, Alonso, Schue, et al.. spray magnums of Mumm at each other than see Kurt Busch run a fellow clown off the track and wash it down with some bullshit Zinfandel.

To each his own.

Flame on.

One of the dumbest things I have read in some time.

Christian — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 23:31:00 +0000

Seriously, this one is up there.

The article starts out about all the great things that are going to happen at the Florida State Wine Competition. You're familiar with it, I'm sure. Well, it's a pretty lame article all in all, concerning all the types of wine catagories they have - 92 in total - including 'Hybrid Blush'.

WTF is 'Hybrid Blush'!!!

Anyway, the article wraps up with these insightful food/wine pairings:

What to drink with . . .

A corn dog: Chenin blanc. "It strikes a balance between being a fine white wine and having a little residual sugar to match the corn-meal coating."

A sausage and peppers sandwich: Cabernet franc. "It's something that has a lot of herbaceous and complex aromas to combat the aromas of the sausage and peppers."

Pizza: Barbera or Sangiovese. "They have a high acidity that will cut through the cheese and complement the tomato sauce."

Ice cream: Sherry. "You need something high in sugar."

To start, why the hell are you eating a corn dog?!? And even more, why would you try to pair a wine with it?

Sausage & Peppers? Sounds like a cheap ass American beer to me.

Pizza? For the record, Barbera or Sangiovese might go, yet when made correctly, they couldn't be more different.

Ice Cream? Why would you need more sugar?

You get what you pay for, I reckon.

On both fronts, theirs and mine, for that matter.

A sucker born every minute?

Christian — Mon, 27 Mar 2006 22:58:00 +0000

There's an old saying about fooling all the people part of the time and fooling part of the people all of the time, yet one cannont fool all of the people all of the time....or something like that.

Well apparently, it is possible to fool a shit-load of people for a considerable period...say like 25 years or so.

"Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio, the import that revolutionized the American wine market over the past quarter- century, has been recognized again by Impact magazine as a "Hot Brand" for 2005."

For those of you unaware of Impact Magazine...

"The Impact "Hot Brands" awards, presented in the March 2006 issue by publisher Marvin Shanken, gives wine trade professionals, retailers and restaurateurs a snapshot of market trends in the wine industry, with its list of the top selling, "hottest" brands each year."

Considering that, unfortunately, Marvin Shanken et al are on the leading edge of creating 'hot brands' day in and day out, (he is also the publisher of the ever-so-important Wine Spectator), it would appear that M. Shanken has found another way to wrap up the poo that is his opinion and peddle it off to restaurants at what I'm sure is a premium.

A cursory look around the interweb yields pricing for this 'hot brand' anywhere from $19 -$25 American. In case you've missed my obvious disdain for all things Santa Margherita, here it is in all its glory. This has got to be one of the biggest con jobs ever pulled over on the wine buying public. You want the straight dope on Pinot Grigio...at least the vast majority of it, including S.M.? The Italians make a shit-ton of the stuff. It is made to be consumed immediately, if not sooner. It does not age well, and it shouldn't because next year they are going to make a shit-ton more of it and you need to keep downing the stuff so the supply doesn't get backed up. And most importantly, unless it is from the Collio, there is no reason in hell it should cost $25!!! And even if it from Collio, which Santa Margherita is not, you would be hard pressed to spend that kind of money. That is unless someone is fleecing the hell out of you, which Paterno has been doing for sometime.

Oh yeah, I just found another reason not to give the Leviathan Shanken any of my money.

I suggest you follow suit.

No such thing as bad publicity?!?

Christian — Sat, 25 Mar 2006 19:53:00 +0000

At least that's what people say. I'm not sure if this really qualifies:

"HEALDSBURG, Calif. Authorities in wine country are looking for the gunman who allegedly shot a man during an argument early this morning.
Sonoma County sheriff's deputies found 44-year-old Agustin Santiago suffering from a gunshot wound to the stomach shortly after midnight in Healdsburg. Santiago told deputies that Enrique Lira shot him during an argument.Lira was found in a makeshift campsite in a vineyard, but he ran away, eluding deputies and patrol helicopters. Santiago was taken to a hospital for treatment.Authorities say anyone with information about Lira should contact the Sonoma Sheriff's office. (emphasis T.t.S.)

Can't imagine why the host vineyard/winery wasn't mentioned.

Seacrest - In.......Honky - Out.

Christian — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:33:00 +0000

Not that I needed another reason to avoid the 2006 Auction Napa Valley, but just in case, I now have it.

Riding the wave of popularity as the nation's best known celebrity host, Ryan Seacrest has been invited to serve as celebrity emcee for 2006 Auction Napa Valley, auction officials announced today.

My only hope for those attending is that this tool can emcee the event more efficiently than he does with American Idol. The F.A. is a bit of a freak for the show. Watching it makes me want to rip my eyes out of my skull. And once Seacrest starts working his 'magic' with the forced drama and break-aways to commercials, I start looking for the nearest bridge to jump off of.

Best of luck A.N.V., you'd better reign him in quick or the event is going last six weeks.

WTF?!?!

Christian — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:23:00 +0000

From the SF Chronicle:

Dozens of California wineries are now among the hundreds of businesses that have been hit with what many are calling "predatory" lawsuits relating to lead in stemware.

The lawsuits are based on the California's Safe Drinking Water and Toxic Enforcement Act of 1986, also known as Proposition 65. Businesses that fail to provide proper warning signs about chemicals in glassware, including lead and cadmium, can be liable for penalties of up to $2,500 per violation per day, which when calculated based on the number of individual sales can be significant.

Under the law, a party may file notice of an alleged violation and the state attorney general has 60 days to determine whether to take the case. If the attorney general does not take the case, the private party has a right to file a civil suit. Typically, the plaintiff's attorney offers the defendant the opportunity to "settle."

The situation is reminiscent of American Disability Act lawsuits that have targeted wineries over providing parking spaces for the disabled and wheelchair access to tasting rooms and restrooms.

Note to winery visitors:

You may be presented with a stylish, long-stemmed, over-sized chunk of glass with which to sample the 'fruits' of your host's labor. DO NOT SWALLOW IT! - the glass that is. I've got my opinions about the wine they put in it, but you're on your own there.

I love how to presence of lead in the tasting glass is cause for concern but process by which you would have to ingest it is given short shrift.

Oregon's Next Big Thing?

Christian — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 20:04:00 +0000

At least according to one person, it could very well be Riesling.

"Riesling is definitely underappreciated, or at least misunderstood, by the consumer," says chef Greg Higgins of Higgins restaurant in Portland, "which is too bad because we've got the perfect climate to grow it and all the right culinary ingredients to match well with it."

Old Man Higgins is pretty much right on here. I have opined in the past that the future of Oregon winemaking - hell, American winemaking, for that matter - lies in the correct matching of grape varieties to climate and geology. Of course, there are certain places that this has/is happening, but unfortunately, the vast majority of grapes are planted with solely fiscal purposes in mind. Obviously, the financial return on one's investment is a necessary concern, but more often than not, I feel growers/wineries are trying to anticipate or respond to some sort of trend, be it created by Hollywood or otherwise. Clearly, the trouble with this mentality is not only the fact that the average American has no attention span but also that it takes a number of years for the vine to start producing fruit of any consequence.

This article even makes mention of this having happened in Oregon's past:

"Although riesling played a seminal role in putting the Northwest on the world's wine map (it was riesling after all, not pinot noir, that was the first wine grape to be planted in Oregon), local rieslings have become an afterthought in today's market.

In 2005, for instance, riesling was less than 5 percent of the state's total wine production. For years, vineyard owners ripped riesling vines out of the ground in favor of other grapes."

I can only imagine the calibur of fruit that those (would-be-now-quite-old) vines could have produced. Unfortunately, it will be some time before we know.

My $0.02 on the whole deal:

Start trucking in an ass-load of granite, slate, and schist. This, in conjunction with cooler climates, is what makes real Riesling. In lieu of that, consider a system similar to that of Germany, where the must weight is considered in classifying the wines to be made. While is may be confusing to some percentage of the buying public, it really is the best way to qualify the wines.

Seriously, it makes sense.

And good luck.

Nice.

Christian — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 19:53:00 +0000

State's new tourism slogan has some experts saying, 'Huh?'

So what does $442K get you these days? A new slogan like 'SayWA', that's what.

"According to the state tourism office Web site, "SayWA is a distillation of the sense of wonder that comes with discovery. It describes the moment when an experience becomes emotional. Where the traveler is no longer an observer, but a participant. The SayWA moment."

Ever heard the one about polishing a turd?!? Not that Washington state is one, in fact I think it is a beautiful place. However, this 'slogan' does very little to move me. Of course, WA stop asking for my advice a long time ago, so there you have it.

God willing and the creeks don't rise, the fine folks that run my home state won't enlist these monkeys to revamp out image.

GA-GA for Georgia, I fear.